I placed my heart in your hands..
That summer, long ago.
So naive.. so pure before I let myself go.

It was there I fell for you.
Behind that Oklahoma sky.
In love with a man who had the devils grin.

These are all faded memories, scattered, deep within my mind. Places I never visit.
Places I never give any of my time.

The only evidence left in these memories, is one undeniable truth...
.
If you had never ripped my heart in two,
I would have never become bran new.

I had no idea who I was back then.
All I knew was that I loved you.

Who knew,
That I’d find strength from the pain.

I have you to thank for showing me my greatest lesson I’ve learned thus far.
Thank you for breaking my heart, it was the worst pain I’d ever felt.

It took you not loving me at all, for me to fully and completely, love myself.

When I was four my brother use to catch me snakes, and my sister would buy me donuts, my dad would take me fishing, and my mom would sing to me.

When I was five, my brother could only call me to say he missed me, my sister would write me letters, my dad would drink until the wee hours of the morning,
And my mom was just gone.

I remember sitting in the court house wondering what was happening

“He can have her”

And that was the last time my family was together.

My dad raised me on his own.
A single alcoholic father, raising a little girl
Was not something people were use too.

We lived in a small town, and so they would whisper about the mother who left me behind, and the father that was always drunk.

But even at 5 years old I didn’t mind being alone. My father loved me with all he had, I knew that in my bones.

So the years passed, just the two of us, in a house with empty bedrooms but not empty hearts. I became accustomed to taking care of my fathers hangovers, and walked myself to school, and every Mother’s Day I made my dad a card and picked my neighbors flowers to put in a vase. Though I wondered where my mother was, and why my siblings lived somewhere else, I never once wished my life where different. It was all I knew.
I learned to catch my own snakes, and my dad would buy me donuts, and take me fishing, and sing for me.

From time to time I’d cry silently in my bedroom, wondering why they left. But as I got older I understood that not every family is meant to stay together, that not everyone who has kids is ready to raise them, and that people can fall out of love.

These were all hard lessons, and I learned them early on, but I wouldn’t change a thing, it made me who I am.

My father did finally get sober, and my mother came back into my life, my brother had children, they hang off my arms when I visit, my sister calls me every week, I even have a new brother who looks up to me.

The three paper routes I had as a kid to help my father pay the bills taught me the importance of hard work, the long nights my dad partied taught me to appreciate a good nights sleep, and my family’s separation taught me to cherish what you have.

Nothing’s promised, anything can be taken, so live your life without regrets.
And don’t forget to tell your dad you love them, tell your mother your forgive her, and hug your siblings as often as you can.

I should have paid more attention to the things you threw away;
If I had, maybe I’d still have my broken heart today.