I don’t know what to believe,
I don’t know what to feel.
You’ve managed to make me question,
If anything we shared was even real.

I don’t know what to say,
How do I question your darkest secrets?
Made me feel like I was your friend,
But you filled my trust with lies and that's all we have between us.

I don’t know if anything we had was true,
That’s my punishment for trusting you.
One tiny white lie raises doubt,
And it snowballs and makes me wanna push you out.

And I don’t want to hurt you,
I know you’ve got your reasons.
But you’re not someone I can believe in,
And there’s nothing here to stop me from leaving.

So I’m wishing you the best,
I hope you can get help.
But I had to walk away,
Because I owe it to myself.

here I go I've done it again,
always being my own worst friend.
you did everything right but in the end,
I always go running.

here we go swirling around the drain,
your vibrant parade being drowned out in my rain.
didn't understand why you didn't run away,
so I did the running.

I'm just better off being alone,
I'm so good at breaking hearts that I broke my own.

I would have loved to write love poems

but you left.

today love looks like
closing out a chapter
and starting brand new.
love looks like dancing into happy
and taking the necessary
deep breaths to get there,
like leaving you beautiful,
but knowing there is more than that
waiting for me.
knowing that I am more than that and I am waiting for me.
love today looks like legs for days
gracing this earth.
vocals for miles hitting all the wrong notes in the worst beautiful way.
but nothing is more freeing than dancing in t-shirt and *******
singing songs with words both made for feeling high and simply feeling.
i’m singing through this chapter and i won’t come back to wait for you.

A rose by any other name
Has thorns that are just as sharp.
An ocean in any other day
Will drown you if you try to run.

A bridge as delicate as ours
Can burn at the smallest degree.
A mirror as revealing as this
Will show that what I fear isn’t me.

A garden under harsh pouring rain
Has flowers that will wilt and then weep.
A sword in your hands or mine
Enters flesh with its blade’s fierce heat.

A love that’s poison like ours
Will leave you walking
And me on my knees.
A love that glimmers like ours
Will leave me bleeding
And you scathe-free.

when i let you go,
             please take your belongings with you.
when i plead you no more,
             please understand my desires has vanished.
when i release your hands,
             please clasp yours together.
when i inhale fresh air,
             please don't let yours become polluted.
when i aim to please you no more,
             please don't tear yourself apart.

Lying on the floor
Trying to get cold
Burning on the inside
Nausea plaguing me
Head spinning
Up in the sky
Can't feel this mortal body

A single tear drops
The first drop
Signaling the rainstorm

Trembling violently
Unable to stop myself
Slipping away

Hearing voices
The ground leaving me
I'm being lifted

In arms so strong
I am silent
Hiding in the chill of my bones
Laying still
Heart beating

Grasping tightly to a cord
Loosening
Then staying just that
Loose, yet there

Healed
Back on my feet
Wishing, halfheartedly,
That I had let go

Then again
The other half cries in relief
So glad it remained

Pulled in
Heart beating
Words mumbled
Feeling in my hands fleeting
Unsure what shall win

Then suddenly
All is gone
I find myself eased
Over time
I realize;
Someone cares

- Jay M
April 24th, 2019