Fistfuls of lust, yet tender
Smell your skin, and dare remember
Holding, yielding, grasping, pleading

Smokey eyes and steaming embers
Destruct the inner walls to lend her
Naïve tongue and tremble breathing

Heat. “I like it”.

Roughing, grinding, fasting, slowing
Oils seeping, fingers deeping
Push and pull to tease and bend her.

Stop, but just to start again,
Steaming. Heating. Beating… Beating…
Beat the heart to break and mend her.

am i incapable of falling in love?
they say those who have been extremely damaged are the least likely to fall in love
i mean it makes sense, all of us damaged ones have never been shown what love was
our version of love is being treated like a dog, constantly begging for love

when i found you it was a different type of feeling
part of me knew i'd end up with you though
we've had our bumps but i've learned plenty on this journey
about you and me
we've definitely had to build on each other but we've come a long way

oh how i wish it were you all along
i strongly believe it's the timing of it all
if it was you since the beginning i'm 99% sure falling in love wouldn't be so hard
but unfortunately i had to be damaged a million times before meeting you

they always say the hardest relationship is the one after the toxic one
for so long i've been used to abuse and emotional manipulation,
that now i find myself getting bored when i'm not on that crazy rollercoaster ride, begging for love

but i'm happy i've met you
i just wish it was earlier
if only.

A hollow vase forged and crafted to function as a keeper
God only knows what was to be placed in the vessel
Made from dust and was molded by love
A perfect container to be filled with knowledge

At first a perfect family was imbued inside the vessel
Followed by lessons only a prodigy could handle
Slowly it was infused by different lessons from diverse people
The vessel was happy it was being filled finally fulfilling its purpose

Up until it was filled with waste and trash
The perfect family was emptied and was replaced by a broken one
Lessons from diverse people was slowly thrown away
The vessel that was once filled happiness was replaced by sadness

Continuously shattered throughout the years
now full of cuts on his wrists and a barely functioning heart
It could only imagine what he had once
a perfect idea of what he could've been if he only was a tad bit stronger

what was once promised to be kept on the top shelf
for safekeeping as he was the most valuable
was now hidden for it had become
a broken and shattered vessel hidden from everyone

It yearns for a purpose everyday, watching other vessels be filled up
with knowledge he dreamed for while he laid there being filled with trauma
the now cuts on the vessel were displayed as it was full of them
the owner could barely keep it intact but the vessel knew otherwise

It was close to breaking it was filled with knowledge and lessons from its past
memories that were supposed to be happy were replaced by haunting experiences
It could barely hang on it was filled to the brim by waste but it felt empty
a new line was made on the shattered vessel everyday as if it was a cut to display its pain

being filled was its purpose
but was the haunting memories enough for him
the horrible wisdom it has learn throughout the years
it all built up until he couldn't take it and he shattered

everyone was heartbroken about the vessel
full of what-ifs and promises they made to the vessel
regret filled the cabinet where it was once stored
everyone mourned at the finale but no one helped during the ******

i knew deep down that the person in the picture wasn't really you
but in my fantasy you were everything i had ever wanted

but oh how i miss being held in your arms
in distressful times such as these, i find myself wanting to run to you

to feel your embrace
to feel your presence
to have the warmth of your cheeks pressed against my mine
when you ran your hand through my hair, reassuring me
that everything would be okay in the end
but it wasn't.

i quickly remind myself who you really were in the end
the disappointment still consumes me

preparing months for an exam
for a number that supposedly determines your worth
******* up to teachers, people you don't even like
just for them to hopefully write a few commendable words about you

all for the hopes of being deemed "acceptable" to some supposed authority
for a place that will decide what you'll be doing for the rest of your life
making these drastic decisions at the age of 18
when not too long ago you were just picking out your prom dress

listing down any type of hobby or recreation you have
to make yourself seem a little more unique
since the competitiveness between you and your peers is sharper than a knife
who will make the final cut in the end and be deemed worthy?

my feet touched the bottom of the ocean, i felt the cool sand tickle my toes
swim as fast as you can
flailing my arms and legs and quickly as possible, in hopes to make it in time
swim as fast as you can
the air inside my lungs is crushing me
swim as fast as you can
there's still a few more feet to go, although the water escapes into every hole of my body
swim as fast as you can
falling back down, there's no energy left to get back up
swim as fast as you can
suspended amidst the deep blue, unable to move my limbs
just try to swim
thinking about them and their damage, causing lacerating pains in my heart
i give up

it's funny looking back at how much you broke me
because now i can't feel a single thing for anyone anymore
but the thought of you has faded now
i just wonder when i'll get to feel that way again

her lost gem, she couldn't seem to find it for months
it was a rare one, expensive too
she treasured it most
until suddenly it was not in the pockets of her jeans anymore the next day

she lost her mind trying to look for it
searching all over her house
even in public places she frequently visited
but it was no where to be found

it was only until months later she saw it again
but with someone else
the gem was no longer hers
and her self loathe grew even more

"how could i be so irresponsible" is what she thought
"if i could go back to the night before i lost it and made sure it was there this would never have happened"
everyday from there on, she wished she could go back in time

she wishes the one who took it would lose it, so somehow it could come back to her
maybe she would find the gem laying around by her house again
she constantly got her hopes up every time she would see a gem
but it was not the same one, it was simply a clone

whenever she'd take a closer look at the gem's look-a-likes, she realized it was only an illusion
they didn't have the same shimmer as the real one
they didn't feel the same
the edges were rough and they weren't even real, they would break apart

she misses her gem, and she knew nothing else would compare to it

i leave behind residue in beds
i am grimy and saturated from dirt
my muddy footsteps follow you into the bathroom and i smudge the mirror with my fingers, crusted and cracked from the heat

i follow the shadow of the sun and trail their streaks of death
it drips down my thighs and stains your carpets
i am vermin i am disease i am death and decay
my stench sullies the walls and my greasy hair sours your stomach
you pinch your nose as i pass by and i cannot find it in me to blame you. i would too.