When you look at me

I’m Looking at you

You tilt your head

I tilt it with you

Throwing your body back

Scatter the surface light

Onto your polished face

What are you inspecting?

I see you searching with your eyes

Overlooked imperfections

Overcooked in your mind

My purpose abused

Are you perfect today?

Are you good enough tonight?

She named me "Joy" so I can bring happiness to her

But I turned out to be the black sheep of the family.

I never wanted to be the reason for her sorrows and cries

But I couldn't even make her smile for once.

I want to disappear into the soul of the earth,
To escape and run away...
Away from the human world
Away from the commotion
Away from the ignorance
Away from the crowded shops
Away from the faces that cry pain
Away from the eyes don't see beyond the surface
Away from the voices that bite at your ears
Away from the deeds that **** your soul
Away from everyone
Away from everything
Away from the shouting,
the weeping,
the toxic positivity,
the shallow conversations.
the hollow humans,
I want to leave.

I AM here
But what I thought was me is fading
which can be odd at times, to say the least

I AM here
and still living in the shading
of an old design, that's not yet released

I AM here
The many rhythms changing
As the tired identity continues obsolete

Farewell my friend
the dissolution will come to end
Now we are free
As you open up to thee

Acquired form appears ambiguous  
with true biology slightly contiguous
layered together in amalgamation
Antiquated DNA disfiguration

The patterns are broken
dynamic expression
beyond attachment
to any creation
I AM that---
I AM.

Obstacles coming stop signs
be aware....
envy and hate...
am on my way....
underground movin..
like a miner...
i dig for what is Precious
doors shut
they won't let us in...
self made...
they didn't make us....

Life i live...
its like a dream...
tired of breathing...
siblings fighting...
spirits colliding....another
dimension damaging...
at a miner age...
i saw the life of the person i love...
end...love inside of me died..
when people i care about left...
leave me empty...
i was alone.....
at home...

Life i live...
at age of 16...
i had suicidal thoughts....
depressed....praying...for...me to stop
breathing....a purpose of living...i searched...
surface i scratched...
nothing or something maked sense...
emotions...tense...
future....i live the past tense....
i see... i never talked about it again...
pain and anger built...
i wonder when it will
collapse...pieces...
so small can be a danger.....

Life i live...
friends...enemies...trust cost...
finacial ain't stable....
love is a drug...
damaged me alot...
i used every penny i had...
to have it...
but it never help....
am hooked...
re-hab....therapy sessions...
got me locked...
**** i have issues....
**** smells i cover it with tissues...
i see my wrongs...
i can't right them...
time waits no man...
ohh man...
i wish you knew this is a poetry...
through story telling....
reality...sticks to me
like gravity...
feet on surface...  

LIFE I LIVE

I took a moment
I looked around...my surrounding shape shift...they was light now its dark...what was there...it is not there anymore...how far can i go....my feet tired...every move i make...it feels like time pause...body froze....my eyes close...
I see no more...forgive me...i can't right my wrongs.

-kay🌹
# i miss you