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Jennifer DeLong Oct 2024
Wanting your desires to change
Wishing you would fall for me
I can't help but want it to be
Wish as I might I can't make it so
Do I let it stay this way
knowing it won't last
It's temporary
Can I give up more time
For something that won't last
Time is to costly
I want to find someone for me
To be with
To spend time with
To fall in love with
So a decision
I must make
Cause falling for you
Will only hurt in the end
© Jennifer DeLong 09/2024
silvervi Oct 2024
Lost inside
Fractions of mind
Consciousness split

Bubbling up
Unhealthy impulses
Hurting

Hurting
Hunting
Hating

Conflicting parts
No peace
No bliss

Paralyzed
In a dissociative
Circle

Let me out!
You have to endure.
Every feeling

So I am enduring
Breathing
Numb

Opening one eye
Hate. Closing it.
Opening another eye
Lust. Losing it.

Never opening both eyes for too long.
Awareness. Awareness. Awareness.
Searching.

Reminder?
How to connect with myself
When there are 100 parts
Within me arguing.
Unpleasantly.

Who am I?
Who was I yesterday?
And an hour ago?

I am fear.
Afraid to lose control.
I am freedom in disguise.
Lock me up.
Hide me in those woods.
Tyranny.

Being is survival
Existence a struggle
When you fight.

So stop.
STOP.
Stop fighting. Now.
Trying to find my center again. Not quite myself today.
Abbas Dedanwala Oct 2024
is just the love
that once belonged to you
that now
has nowhere else to go.
akiko Oct 2024
In the quiet moments, I feel so small,
A weight on my heart, like a shadow’s call.
Each day feels heavy, like a storm in my chest,
Searching for comfort, for a moment of rest.

I wear a brave face, but inside, I’m torn,
A child in the darkness, feeling lost and worn.
Whispers of doubt echo deep in my mind,
In a world full of noise, it’s so hard to find.

Fatherless nights wrap around me tight,
In the silence, I search for a flicker of light.
I scribble my pain on flesh I use as paper,
Hoping that somehow, I’ll find a tomorrow.

Each tear that I shed is a story I tell,
Of dreams left behind in a shadowy shell..
akiko Oct 2024
I’m thirteen years old, a ghost in the crowd,
Wearing a smile, but it’s heavy and loud.
In silent corners, I fight with my mind,
In a world that feels cruel, unkind.

Each mark I make is a story untold,
A way to express what I can’t let unfold.
The pain feels like relief, a sharp, bitter sting,
A fleeting escape from the chaos it brings.

Alone in my thoughts, drowning in fear,
A shadowy presence that whispers, “Stay near.”
Days blend to nights, a cycle unbroken,
In whispers of darkness, I feel so forsaken.
Every cut, a different story..
alanie Oct 2024
i still jolt awake to the sound of your 3am suicide calls.
all that greets me is silence,
my phone isn't ringing but my ears are.

does it haunt you like it haunts me?
hyperventilating
every time i see a car in your particular shade of grey.
wondering why i can't keep liquor down anymore
or why clementines reek of deception,
or how many more night i will have to spend like this.

when i am with you,
i feel like i am dying,
but when i am not,
i fear you are.

i used to love the way you filled me with panic,
waiting for the next time your blood would be on my hands
and your hands would be creeping their way under my shirt.
not afraid of being alone, but
obsessed with the masochistic way you made me feel
needed.

someone asked me why i didn't leave sooner,
truth is,
i don't think i ever really left.
alanie Oct 2024
i tend to blame my mother for everything that is wrong with me.
the insanity and
insecurity
and addiction to temporarily filling a void meant for
her love.
My heart beats to the rhythm of her footsteps,
counting how many strides
i have left
to wipe away my tears before
she reaches my door.
there is no margin for error in her unspoken expectations.

i used to blame anything but myself for my actions.
i was a compulsive liar for 4 years,
a narcotic addict for 5.
i layered lies like pills
scattered throughout my room,
each finding their way into my mouth
at the wrong time.

i am the only thing that is wrong with myself.
i'm haunted by reflections in the mirror,
echoes of the girl i couldn't save.
i tried to scrub her off my skin,
carve around the edges and
crawl out of this body.
i became too familiar with the salty taste of bleakness,
a bittersweet over dose.
if only the child-locks on
medicine bottles
worked even after the child-like innocence was
lost.

i think
i want to be saved
a little more than
i want to be loved.
only i am responsible for my actions
alanie Oct 2024
He is a gentle sort of love,
irritatingly fragile fingertips trailing down my side and
forehead kisses.
When we lay together,
rib to rib,
souls brushing shoulders,
i almost believe this life is kind.

He is effortless conversations and
sore cheeks from smiling ear to ear.
Sickly sweet messages late at night and
Constant concern.
I try to read between the lines,
Become a part of the dialogue in his mind.
There’s something masochistic that captivates me
entirely.

He is such a soft and messy thing.
I don’t know how to take care of him.
I would help if I could,
But he never tells me whats wrong.
I fumble for his hand in the darkness.
I want to beg him for a hint, but
that pretty little mouth will ruin this moment.

He stares at the ground when he says he loves me.
His name sits heavy on my tongue,
Each symbol rolling backwards,
Choking me a little more.

He closes his eyes and thinks of her,
While his hands explore every ridge of my body.
I am a reflection of all the ways he cannot love me.
I want to kiss the whiskey from his lips,
Kneel at his pedestal
at the foot where I bleed.

I am going to disappoint him.
for my ex best friend
Benjamin Stamper Oct 2024
I’m burnt out on love I’ve never known,
On writing feelings not my own.
I carve out passion with my pen,
But never feel it back again.

I craft the lines, I play the part,
But there’s no pulse behind this heart.
I’ve written dreams, I’ve forged desire,
Yet here I stand, without the fire.

I talk of love, of joy, of touch,
But none of it’s been mine—not much.
I pour out tenderness, pretend,
But every poem’s just pretend.

I’m sick of songs I’ve never sung,
Of love that only lives in tongue.
I stitch together words for show,
But it’s a hollow act, I know.

What’s love to me but someone else’s?
Their highs, their lows, their endless guesses.
I’ve written their bliss, their heartbreak too,
But none of it has felt like truth.

I’ve no muse waiting, no one’s arms,
No gentle warmth, no lasting charms.
I speak of love, but know it not,
And that’s the burn that I forgot.

The well is dry, the ink is thin
I can’t keep writing what’s not within.
I’m burnt out, lost, and all alone,
Tired of a love that’s never grown.

So let the paper stay untouched,
I’ve given love what love’s not touched.
No poems left to fake, to fake
It’s emptiness I can’t unmake.
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