It cannot be love,
I only dream about you and shrink
when you look my way,
My heart may quicken
I don't put too much thought into it
My sweaty palms on the other hand
Maybe I should see a Doctor
It cannot be love,
You don't even know my name,
I know yours, but you came up on my feed
Get over it.

I don't get jealous when I see you smile at her
Just wanted to know where she bought them shoes,
Jeez, put me in jail why don't ya.
Never once did I imagine you in bed beside me,
I may have kissed the pillow and held it all night,
But I was cold,
It's not a crime so chill out.
The doodles where I took your last name
were just so I could test the pen still had ink.
No need to send out the invitations just yet,
But I always thought a July wedding would suit.

All the thoughts I think
about going round
and round my head
Of what is that most lovely
most honest and most true

Things that I have
heard about
and that which I might
have seen or read
Some I heard along the way
and some that once I said

All of what I truly am
and all I hope to be
All my better thoughts
it seems to me
are mostly only
about You

You then are most lovely
That is honest
That is true

All my better thoughts
are of the brightest days
All my better thoughts
are You.

-R.

12.17.16

-LA

Lowest of the low,
Not much point now,
Have no further left to fall.

Clench to my comfort
All to play for now,
Rock bottom is the best foundation.

Shoulders sag,
Weary but determined,
The reflection is my only constant,
It is more than enough.

The resolve behind my mask and shield
this is as strong as I will ever be.
That keeps me going.
It has too.

Burning maps and guidelines,
Instructions failed me at the start.
The swiftness of my feet,
Have served me well, thus far.

No time for external love,
The past is the past,
When one door closes,
I created the wind at my back.

Hope ceases to amaze me,
need for approval non existent,
Inner doubt is my ying.
Self trust my yang.

it's not that i don't trust people,
it's just i keep all my hardships to myself.
if i were to tell you everything on my mind,
you'd race for nine one one.
if you asked me all the things i know you're begging to ask,
you'd see me on my knees at the alter,
confessing my sins as if i believed they existed in the first place.
it's not that i see you as a threat to my personal privacy,
but if i were to be honest there'd be tears in your eyes.
I'm sorry.
You always wondered if i truly meant it when i spoke it and i'm hear to tell you sorry is my honest truth
because if
i wasn't
i wouldn't bother
saying it
and if i was patronizing
you
i would just apologize,
but never sorry.





if you were to look at my pinterest page,
you'd admit me back into the physic ward.

****
Words just flew from my mouth
Wish I could **** them back.

I know that you know that I know,
Crimson floods my cheeks.
What is this gonna cost me?

Hands on your hips
"Oh really" on your face.
This is hurting us both.

Creator of the time machine
Will save the world.
But I have to deal with this now.

You're beautiful on the outside
Which is easy to deceive
Your beauty on the inside
Is like a rancid disease

You thought I treated you unkindly
Though I gave my heart to you
My love was real and gentle  
Now my love is gone that's true

It is you that broke our love
Our friendship you refused
I will never forgive you for this

I regret that I forgave you
Letting you feel satisfied
It's you that I hate now
The one I truly despise

I now hate you so deeply
I will never forgive you again
Sadly I love you
Though I hate you
With all my heart

When I said that I was busy,
I just couldn't bare company,
When I said that my phone had died,
I just did not want to disappoint the  Angry Birds.

The dog did not eat my homework,
It was not done and we both know I do not have a dog,
When I took forty minutes to have a bath,
My muscles did not ache I just need my own time, relief.

When I was late for work,
I set my alarm but I was warm and like to snooze,
When I hugged you back,
I was lonely and nothing more.