I Am a Sinner
I am a sinner,
My mind is a mess.
Where I find comfort,
I sleep the deepest rest.

I should say,
I am a sinner
For I sleep
While my mother is dying.

I am a sinner,
For I eat,
While my mother is starving

I built myself a garden
I locked myself inside
All the flowers smelled like you
Until they released their pollen
And it clung to my lungs
Mucous lining my throat
Keeping me from breathing
When the blooms became overgrown
The vines creeped up my legs
Wrapping around my waist
And as the thorns hooked themselves beneath my skin
Poison flowing through them into my veins
Like an IV of pain and suffering
They pulled me around that god forsaken garden
Like a marionette of flesh, blood, and reluctant willingness
I remember the bees buzzing your name
Cheerfully at first
And then the droning became painful
Until my ears oozed
And my brain felt as if it would spill out from them
And when it did
It fell into a pile beside me
And it grew into tree
Releasing a new kind of oxygen
That clouded my judgement
I became addicted
I fell in love with being used
I fell in love with being blind
I fell in love with being broken down
I fell in love with the pain.
And when summer ended
And autumn began
The flowers shriveled
And suddenly I could breathe
And the bees returned to their hive to sleep
And suddenly I could hear my own cries for help
And the vines loosened
And the fruit the tree bore fell
And when I took a bite
It seemed to travel to my skull
And replaced the hole where my brain used to be
And
And suddenly I could think.
Suddenly I could understand
This wasn't love.
It isn't love.
So I ripped open my ribcage
And I tore into my heart
And pulled out a key
Covered in sinew and blood and fragments of the bones that grew a shell around it
And I unlocked that ****** gate
That had grown so small
I crawled through
And walked away
But after some time
The garden called to me
And when I returned,
Stupid stupid me,
I was reluctant
But the flowers smelled sweeter
And the bees were singing softly
And tree was in bloom
And the petals gently kissed the grass
And I let myself be consumed once again
But this time I had armed myself
And when the vines extended themselves towards my limbs
And the bees screamed angrily
And the flowers on the tree began to rot and die
I pulled out my weapon
I lit a match with the fire that was started within me
And I threw it into the center of the garden
And I burned that ******* to the ground.

It was a hot summer day
And I asked what your favorite season was
You said it was winter, you loved the snow
And that if there was a blizzard, we'd both go

So we came up with a plan
When the winter solstice took place
We'd go out into the snow
And we'd talk in the flurries and so

I waited for the winter solstice
And when it came, a blizzard did too
And I ran into a snow-covered field alone
The cold wind chilling me to the bone

I waited for you to come
And I waited for hours on end
And while my teeth chattered, and my hands turned blue
My heart warmed just thinking about you

And I waited until the disappearance of the sun
When I finally realized you weren't gonna come
But it was too late, the cold had touched my heart
And it stopped and would never again start

You were born on a cold October night
My beautiful baby boy
God gave me you
to fill my world
With happiness and joy

Throughout your life you struggled,
Many trials, you had to face
But with each battle,  you stood strong
Through God's amazing grace

Your brightest light, and faith in God
You shared with those you met
Changed many lives, and filled us all
With a love we won't forget.

Micah, your love changed me and for my life you were "God's Will"
My love for you goes on and on,
My sweet boy, my miracle.


I love you Micah, always and forever,  I know that you're dancing in the sky, and singing in the angels choir. I love you my miracle boy,
my Micah-man, sing a song for me up in heaven.....
Love mommy xoxo