‪Have ‬
‪You‬
‪Ever‬
‪Cried‬
‪Just‬
‪Because ‬
‪You ‬
‪Don’t‬
‪Feel‬
‪Safe ‬
‪Because‬
‪Of‬
‪Who ‬
‪You‬
‪Are?‬.

I have seen broken glass at ice breakers
And dream paralysis for living dreams
The broken glass attempting to get stuck together
but being thrown away as if it was meant to stay in pieces
I have seen fulfilled nightmares and crippled wings just like how they would show a glorified warrior
I have seen wet bathroom floors, red sometimes, just as beautiful as the crimson sky and
I have seen google searches on why bleach and pills didn’t work just the way I have seen someone committed to get their promotion
I have seen blue and purple faces just as beautiful as Chantilly laced flowers,
Embracing themselves like roses even after being plucked – despite the pleading attempt of their thorns
I  have seen their rosy colour fade away as they struggle to show their best shade of red before they leave – because who likes disappointments?

And who likes putting back together someone else’s glass pieces right from scratch and you and I both know that even if it stuck it wouldn’t be the same again –
So it just melts itself to start all over again

And who likes seeing rotten shades of red, blue and purple when it’s easier to choose to see the glossy teary eyed side –
So we pretend everything is okay as we enjoy the sunrise

Those held thorns don’t like being appreciated but if you pluck their flower you’re leaving nothing behind but the dead corpse of an almost
But who likes to deal with the anger side of depression anyway?
So we just walk away, leaving the thorns un-watered to grow corpses of hatred

And of all the terribly glorified things I’ve seen
I’ve seen gladiators out of battlefields
Struggling with no weapons, fighting with themselves
I have seen children with fake smiles
Unused umbrellas in bags
I have seen attachment grow it’s roots all over to be simply cut by a scissor of betrayal

Of all the cracked ceilings and tight ropes,
Bridge edges and stoutly stiffened up hope,
Of the useless sharpeners and tiger prints on thighs
Crowded beaches drowning inside and sharpened nails all ready to fight
I’ve sat on quiet dinner tables where the only chewing sound is of the collapsing mind

I’ve seen friend lists filled only with acquaintances
And inboxes questioning their state
I’ve seen wrists smothered with concealers two shades lighter
And bags of eyes carrying weight heavier than that of broken dreams and flightless wings shrunk and grown tighter
I have seen fire burn bright of all the alcohol annihilate
And anger that can shake mountains with it legs tied together to a stingy abrupt volcano of abuse

And I have seen never ending nights
When blades are finally of no use

But who wants to talk about it unless its poetry anyway?

****, ****, ****, ****
Fuzz through the brain
Zapping pain
Through icy passages of panic
Swell, flow, overflowing
With pain, doubt, hate, anger
****
Breathe in, Breathe out
Think about the seat
The air, it's cold
My ears ring
Count from 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Walls are getting closer, life squeezes
God's cruel fist crushes
Air from my lungs
Thoughts from my brain
LET ME ******* GO
Why am I so broken and insane sometimes?
The ocean draws near in my ears
The shore creeps close, the tide stalks through my canals
Air, water, rushing, getting louder
Pounding, ******* pounding

Someone save me please.
                
                                -the claustrophobic mind

I wish to leave this place,
If only in mind,
The same way I save my self,
The same way I decline.

New year, new problems
Same old ways to solve them

New year, new love
Same crippling thing that it does

New year, new life
Same thing, new ways to sacrifice

New year, new day
Same feelings when I see your face