I am a boy,
but I wear a bow on my head.
It flows down my shoulders.
I pretend that it’s my hair.
Red hair that shimmers gold in the sunlight,
highlights for society to see,
see a woman trapped in a man’s body.
Or is it a man trapped in a woman’s body?
My body
is all that shows beauty,
but my face is too ****.
I wrap it in red ribbon,
a mummy cursed by
her own-
his own self image.
Image of red thread dripping down my wrists.
Wrists tied too tightly to a knife wrapped in red,
so I cut them.
Red hair all over the bathroom floor forming
roses next to my deathbed.
Hung above my bed,
the threads of red
hung tightly around my neck,
draped down from the bow I wear at
the top of my head.

Some kid I don't even know is my hero
because he called me "he" when he doesn't even know me
and everyone else scares me
because they're constantly mocking all us ******* trannies,
saying we shouldn't exist,
because we're liars and delusional.

I can't stand people who says they're like me
just because they don't conform,
because they're not.
Not conforming isn't the same
as letting everyone see you and call you "it" and "******" and saying they hate people like you,
and not being able to breathe because you've got too beaten up by yourself hiding something
and wanting to die but only not doing it because you can't stand for a single person to talk about it with "she" on their minds.

I used to say I hated dresses and pink and all that girly **** when I was young not because I always did but because I couldn't stand anyone calling me the girly girl,
and then I always played sports, I fought and wrestled and kicked off my shoes for soccer to show the guys I was tough,
I was one of them,
and when they said I was just like them
I skipped and cried at home from happiness.

I don't believe in any god, or heaven or ****,
but I pray with all my heart
that I could have been born as someone else.
Even though I hate to feel jealous, I usually do not,
I wish so desperately that I could be any number of guys I see.

i will not shrink myself down
i do not come in pocket sized
i am more than your heart desires
yet a  glass has never complained to overflow
i am everything or nothing
and to you
something in between
i am loud and i am violent and i am volatile
reaching for the stars that dissolve in my fingers
heaven has never felt so far
slim down diets are so in
reach your love to fit like chickpeas in your heartless ides
a growling stomach makes a pretty lady
i am pretty much a lady?

this morning
i am stuck

i am stuck
between
Blue
and
Pink

every morning
i face the same decision
and ask the question
how do i feel today?

and every morning
i struggle
not because i cant find the answer
but because im scared of it

because i know
that i cant be Purple
thats too confusing

but i feel Purple

when you're born a girl.
But don't feel like one.
When you are forced to go swimming and expose your body.
The one that causes all the pain and dysphoria.
Oh how much it ***** having boys staring at your *****.
When you want to be one of them.

Dear World,

"I'm like you, I deserve love too." This is a statement all of us need to say.

But my story to you is, I am bisexual. If you don't know what it is, it's when you like guys and girls. Or you swing both ways.

I feel perfectly fine doing things with a girl, but if you tell me to do something with a guy, I'll have to think about it. But I will kiss, hug and cuddle with my boyfriend. I do it because I'm comfortable with him. If you told me to do it with someone else I probably wouldn't because I don't like it. When I was younger I had a girlfriend, we would make-out and I would cuddle with her. When we had sleepovers we would even share the same bed. But know one knew, because I didn't want them to know. But now I do.  

I have been bullied my whole life because of me liking girls. My mom say to me a while ago "You better not become a full on ******* cause I want grand-kids." I started to cry because she said that. Did she ever think that I don't want kids or it's my life not hers.  But now, I don't care. I can do what I want, it's my life.

I am gender fluid. That's when some days you feel like a guy and others feel like a girl. You can be one way for days, weeks, months or even years, then change back to the other gender. And you don't change your parts if you don't want too.

I just came out to everyone last month. Few ask me why I dress like a boy and I just tell them cause I like the style, but the ones I trust, I will tell them I'm gender fluid. But the others frown at me cause of the way I dress. They say I'm ******* or a dude cause I dress like a boy. But I don't care. This is me and you can't change it. My mom said "You have *****, so you are a girl. I don't care if you want to dress like a boy, you are a girl and you need to act like it. If you lived with me I wouldn't let you dress like this." Yes my own mother bullies me. She doesn't want me to be who I want to be. But as I said, I don't care.

But luckily people have become more open to this,

Sometimes I don't know what I am or who I am. But what I do know is that, this is me and you can't change it. If you don't like it, the you can leave me alone and not talk to me. It's that simple.

I guess I'm saying that I'm bisexual and I am gender fluid. I don't care what people say it's my life not theirs. And they just have to learn to accept it.

"I'm just like you, I deserve love too. And this is my story.

Love, @hagilyforever

men and women are forced in to boxes and labeled
with no room to grow
told that colors you wear make you a boy or girl
the clothes you wear, the things you do
how you act
for some reason
make you only a boy or girl