My thoughts don't escape me
They seek me
I avoid and they follow
I dip and they dive
Always over my shoulder

I've lost a train of thought, sure
But it always finds me
A high speed train
A runaway train
At the most inconvenient of times.

When do I control the thoughts
And the thoughts don't control me??
For such a mighty being…
It's a pretty weak display.
My thoughts tell me who I am.

But they aren't who I am
Mere fragments
(I beg someone to tell them that)
Moments in time passed
Past. Not Present.

When they come back though
…I must relive the moment
No matter how much I protest
They do not obey my requests
It's pointless.

Live in the moment
Embrace the now
Tactics of a desperate soul
All in vain
But they paint the picture

A picture that doesn’t belong to me
A picture that shows me
Or how I see me
And the colors are all off
It's so out of focus.

Focus seems to be the whole issue
I'm always on the inside
Sifting through strings of words,
Flashes of optics, pockets of sound,
Just trying to make sense of it all

Thoughts are altered upon each retrieval
Emotions invade unwelcome
Uninvited, they plant in the memory
It's altered. For the worse
The picture is shadowed once more

"That isn't me."
But it is, isn't it?
Or it was.
WAS.
I can handle "was".

"Is" constitutes different territory
I am proud of me
I am ashamed of me
I live every emotion about me
I'm not given a choice

I am given a choice..
As to who I will be
?Not who I was.
Not who I am.
But who will I be?

I take a huge step
To be right in front of her
So she's safe and sound

the seasons have changed
we are back in touch and its like last summer all over again
the electricity
the euphoria
we are at the base of the tree that watched you grow last year
you are smoking your first cigarette and crying
we are swimming in the river, taking polaroid photos of each other in a thunderstorm
we are at our favorite coffee shop, despite the fact that you don't even like coffee
but
there is still an ocean between us
and now i have different things i am remembering
she is in your bed, sleeping in your arms
she is posting pictures of you kissing in the park and i am crying so hard that i go to the bathroom because i think i might throw up
you are flirting with her at a bar while i am boarding the plane to come see you
you are lying and compromising the times we had together just so she feels comfortable
and now
you tell me you love me even though you abadoned every single one of our memories
you are choosing her over me
again
and it is breaking my heart every single time that i inhale
although im no longer sorry about the front bottoms
i am sorry that i told you that i needed you
and you still picked her because it was more convenient
i am sorry you are realizing now that maybe you need me too

My sweetheart from experience it is learnt
When fire spreads then everything is burnt
Love gives the toll and remains on the front
Beauty remains victim which one is to hunt

Fiery passion when plays its destined role
A drop of water becomes an ocean as whole
Who can pay the price of your glowing mole
You my love my soul travel from pole to pole

Beauty in the world mingles with love to glow
Has anything better in the world ***** to show
With intensity of my passion my head is to blow
Allow me my love in stream of beauty to flow

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2016 Golden Glow

In hopelessness and helplessness I wept in front of God bitterly
So that he should help me in trials and tribulations to make me free
For all my sins for all my crimes whom am I to have no valid plea
But only satisfaction and solace with me is His boundless mercy

He has billions and billions across the world but I am alone on road
In flooded ocean I am all alone so only He can take me on board
I do think that if He does not take me I should cut myself with sword
But again His anger and dissatisfaction I can not, dare not to afford

My God ,my Love ,my Savior, My Heartbeat, my soul tomake me flow
I have nothing at my disposal , no good ,no virtue and face to show
Please take me under your umbrella to make my darkness to glow
Help me to cherish your love in disparity just to nourish and to grow

Col Muhammad Khalid Khan
Copyright 2016 Golden Glow