She sang a silent song to me.
A song that makes me feel free.
A song I never want to forget.
But a song I forgot,
Because of debt.

I remember when I was a little child that all I wanted to do was go outside and play
I was so happy and free with no worries about waking up to a dead mother or an alcoholic father
I was so naive and I was so blind to the ugly truth that my family is
I understand that no ones perfect but, my mom was once trying to leave me when I was so young
How'd I explain that to my future friends?
What would I even tell myself?

I don't want to apologize,
but I am sorry.
I understand I can be a bit dramatic sometimes,
and over think every situation.
However, I just wish I could understand how you feel about me.
Maybe I wouldn't hold on to every little thing
if you just gave me a sign that is clear for me to read.
I've never been able to enjoy the company of another,
so I'm not sure how this is suppose to play out.
Don't leave me in the morning
feeling used and forgotten.
However, I find myself waiting by the phone as the evening passes
wondering if I should keep trying.
I'm holding on but I know I deserve something more.
It's been 9 months and it's been hundreds of miles.
Sorry if this sounds selfish,
but I can't wait forever and hold onto nothing
when I know I deserve something more.
I love your company
and in my head, we are happy
because I know you feel the same.
I don't want to sound dramatic,
but just please don't leave me in this haze.

You are dead to me, yet your memory haunts my mind
Years of drug abuse and alcoholism wrapped up in 140 pounds of pixie cut hair.
I base every negative instance on your inability to stay clean, but oh did I love you.
Self preservation finally won and I took flight away from you and your problems in attempt to live my own life
Ten thousand terrible stories in the time we were sisters, our laughter and tears shattered like glass hit with a hammer
You were fiercely brilliant, wasted youth and potential but you turned into this horrible thing when you were drunk
I’m sorry you couldn’t understand why I needed to leave you but I can still smell your perfume when the wind blows too strongly
Friendship is fleeting, so much is true
But even still, no one else compared to you.