Unnoticed, non- existent, who?
That is me.
Hidden behind the shadows,
that's all I'll ever be.
Me smiling and laughing is something you'll never see,
or is it something
you dread to see?

You glare at my every move
when what you should be doing is soothe
the feelings that put me on edge.
Isn't that what mothers do?
Not you!

You were never like others,
only ever comforted my brothers;
didn't ever believe in lovers,
prohibited love for others like me,
or was it just you didn't desire the best for me, we'll see.

Me smiling and laughing
is something you'll never see,
when you're wishing the worst for me.
But do you ever put a wish my way?
Do you even think of me any day?
Remember my name?
only a burden on your chest;
missed out on the chance of being protected in your nest.

Forgotten is all I am,
unnoticed, non-existent, who?

Clear like muddy water,
fluid, but opaque,
is my mind.
With each capsule that I swallow,
I get more and more,
foggy.

Prescriptions as if I need them.
Needing them as though I'm broken.
Maybe I am,
broken.
Maybe I am,
shattered.

Shattered as glass cracks.
In other words,
it doesn't.
Instead, it breaks into countless pieces,
never to be fixed again.

Oh, I'd give anything to be fixed again.
I'd give anything,
to feel clear again.

I think I fell in love once,
Since then I have not been able to love another.
Will I ever truly be able to fall in love again?
I do not know, perhaps I lack sympathy to love another.
Pity, I pity the one who decides to fall for me.
I cannot love another human, I don’t think I have ever loved a person truly.
I cannot love unless I love myself.
Don’t expect much from someone that cannot show affection.
My mind is the logical part of me
While my heart yearns for everything that it touches
Split those two apart and my mind will always win
Don’t cry over us, we never had a future.

the bread you gave us yesterday
was warm and smelt of home
it tasted sweet and comforting
our stomachs full to bursting

the bread you gave us today
was mouldy and hard to swallow
it tasted of bitter memories
of how you loved us once

the bread you'll gives us tomorrow
will be hard and cold as stone
it will taste forgotten like ashes
when the fire has lost it's soul

Eternity promised me a moment,
             but forgot the time..

I was just a passing thought,


                                                forgotten...

Feeling those micro abandonments like the setting sun upon my amygdala's shore,
No longer residing in my mind's old tenemants, I can see only strangers at my left-side door,
Wreathed in layer upon layer of distrust, I cannot open myself up anymore,
I couldn't bear to see your bold stars dimmed by the enveloping mist of what came before.

What kind of existence will find me tomorrow, if any existence at all?
I've been begging for another's burdens to borrow, mine can no longer make me fall,
I'm learning that in my old mirror and shame, I can sometimes see the face of Saul,
Blind in my wandering and bashful in blame, I am forever lost in the stories I cannot recall.

made sure mama recorded the new episode
of sailor moon every afternoon
my eighth grade euphoria got me through homework
love and justice were worth the wait
couldn't discuss my obsession of tuxedo mask
with my friends until school the next day
i had their numbers memorized but never dared call
unless it was about homework
even then i digested my heartbeat when their parents answered
the phone

in those days the popular girls would write lyrics
backstreet or nsync
battled over which was better by
displaying their fandom on the front covers of their
three-ring binders
while i took 3 hours on aol
waiting to download and print pictures
of apolo ohno and michelle kwan
and some pretty boy actor
whose name i don't remember

my friends wrote letters in a morning glory-like
journal we exchanged between us
once a week
the secrets of our heart
random roaming thoughts
current obsessions
eye candy crushes
in fifth period
whatever happened to that journal?
i think it's in a box under my bed

i took a snapshot of us
under the shade of our lunchtime tree
senior year of high school
the last time i used a camera to document
a single moment in time
before instant came into being
before selfies were a thing
and delay faded
a forgotten dream