Drown me in acrylics
So I may become art,
Abstract at best;

And write my hidden name in charcoal
A hundred times upon my skin
So I won't forget.

Blank page
scribble a name  
peebles of regret
pile on the chest

WE collided
memories sink like titanic
affection eclipsed by apathy
avoid you like you're an active shooter
I'm sorry...

it scares me to know that you keep things from me. that there are things you don't say. because if you can lie and say you're fine then how do i know you aren't lying when you say you love me? how can i trust that anything you say is real if you can't even say the things that are hurting you inside. whats worse is that you tell him. yes, i have done my own share of such things, but all of that is just physical, it doesn't mean anything. why can you not just talk to me? just, say what it is and i will listen. i may not understand but i will hear what you have to say.

but what you should really know is that i will always be honest with you. because when i start lying to you, i won't know what lies i've told myself

you should also know that i will always love you. even if we separate and bridges burn, you have made your mark and like it or not you will be in my heart forever.

or
if you do change (inside or out) no matter what i will love you. not your clothes or the things you do, but you. changing yourself can't change the way i feel right now.

and things aren't perfect, they probably never will be.
and i told myself i wouldn't do this.
i told myself that you needed to work things out on your own
but i keep telling myself that if i just shove things at you eventually you will understand that i care about you. that you'll forget whatever it is that you can't tell me and just see me and see that i love you but im starting to feel like you never will. if you can just stop making things your fault, stop making things big and bad and just let them be what they are.

I wonder if your agony parallels mine
If you lay awake in the midst of the darkness thinking of my smile
My hand holding yours as we strolled against the wind

I can still remember the waves and how they smelled
Salt in the air stinging my skin
Your soft voice filling my ears
“I love you”

I can still remember the blue in your eyes
How it twinkled against the moonlight
The sweetness in its intensity while you looked at me

Now here we are
All I can recall is your voice, sharp as you let me go
I listened to you tell me, “time for us to part,”
I let your words sink in, stinging worse than the sand
My heart plummeted into my chest

Break me in two
I let you **** me

And I went back to smiling
And I went back to laughing
See, the break was too large
The pain, too cruel

The only thing left for me to do is pretend that you never existed

To forget the moonlight
Under which you confessed your love
To forget your smile, the way it mixed with the salty air
To forget the intensity of your eyes
How their blue twinkled alongside the moonlight

I have to forget you
Because surely,
Your agony does not parallel mine

i feel the surface of my lips go dry
the lips that used to call you so much
& i look for you in my dream unknowingly
& i still call out your name as i slumber -

maybe it's become a habit instead
i live, everyday, unable to erase it
the sound of your name i want to forget

but think it’s a lie that i want to forget you.