My heart is buttered cake
with brown sugar frosting.
It can't take much.
It melts at the edges sometimes,
and there's mold on the corners.
My eyes are made of green-apple jolly ranchers
that are sticky in your hands.
My lips are two halves of a strawberry,
sometimes purple and bruised
like the words that come out of them.
My hands
are made of milk and honey
but sometimes
not
as warm and comforting.
There's apple juice
blue slushies
and hot sauce
running through my veins
and cookie crumbs
behind my brain.
I am a feast
and
not
prepared
for
you.

body sweeter than chocolate
I grew tired,
but I could not stop it.

body softer than butter
I've had many,
but you're a special kind of lover.

moist and hot
working your way to the middle,
to taste the spot.

I remember the day I realized I was fat.
I was probably ten years old, and a little chunkier than my peers.
I still have that feeling now, over ten years later.
Looking in the mirror everyday, lifting my shirt, looking at my body.
But it's not good enough.
I want to be smaller.

I used to not eat hardly at all.
Just enough to make my mom feel like I was.
Then, I barely ate because I wasn't hungry, and I was too busy.

Now, at my skinniest as an adult, I still don't feel good enough.
Sometimes I think about what I'd look like if I lost twenty pounds.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm okay with how I look, but it never lasts for long.
That hate will creep up with no warning, and then I'm back to pointing out my fat spots.
I just want to feel beautiful.

all i want in life is to paint and travel and write and read and love and cry. and i can't.
i am craving life. and it's a taste i haven't had it since a past life.
i struggle because that taste is still lingering and that's what has kept me going. in search for that new, bursting flavor. i've only had dull foods.
i keep pouring myself into this search. and i've noticed i've only made it a few streets over since the day i was born.
i'm starting to lose that burning passion to find it. my great flame has turned into barely embers.
i'm not who i was. and neither are any of you if you were wondering. i've lived in this same town for all of my years, but i still seem to be lost.
i never learned properly how to use a map.

maybe one day i'll find some sort of clue. i have plans of where i'm headed, but hopefully they won't work out.

this craving is getting to me. i can hardly ever even feed myself anymore because i am giving myself more that i don't want. i drink a lot of water which is probably another reason the fire is dying.
oh well. this is what life is about, right?


**you could have been my gasoline.

dear fast food companies,
there is no way to forgive
how you hold animals so captive
dollar signs in your eyes
no remorse for animal cries
and the way you changed us too
because when we eat your food
we know what's inside
we know what's on our plate used to have two eyes
we turn our head
they can be dead
there's no fuss
after all, they're not us
but that's where you're not right
when we were kids, we would put up a fight
if we heard that farm animals were eating drugs and couldn't have fresh air
we used to care
but then we were dehumanized
we'd prefer to hear the lies
we even give a cheer
when we hear
two animal lives for a dollar seventy five
it's sad there's no way to stop it
3,712,415 people won't quit
their nice quiet jobs
just because some tree hugging slobs
remind you animals are dying

dear fast food companies,
don't take my money, i want change

What if existence is a crime,
punishable by death?

They warned me about you.
I read the nutrition facts
and saw the ingredients.
The FDA didn't fail to inform me,
you were no good for me.
Toxic, even.
I knew this all but you...
always smelt better than you looked
or tasted,
Like a lemon poppyseed,
with salt for sugar-
strange and savory,
but I should stop eating.

Ocean muffin
maybe made for a bird flying low,
or some big fish
swimming in shallow waters.
I was the bird flying low,
with no luck in the wild,
searching for scraps,
and saw one in tact.
It held promise.
Swallowed you whole
and lost all of my feathers
expelling you out.
You were for the big fish.
The ones who only bite off
what they can chew.
I cannot consume
you who poisons me.

tangy taste of pickle
with hot white fluffy rice
from your  rice cooker