I am in a relationship with food
and it is complicated.
A constant tug-of-war
in my mind
fighting each other
as if both sides of my brain
are siblings
and I am the toy.
The constant bickering
throwing me from one side of the spectrum
to the other.
Recovery verse Relapse
is the question.
Am i happier healthy
or not functioning at all?
I am in a relationship with food
and I'm still trying to end it
no matter how many times it wakes me up
in the middle of the night.

I contemplate
I buy it on aromatic instinct
The fight emerges
Don't eat it!
You're not even hungry!
I sit in my head
While the words debate
The palate ultimately wins
My hands follow orders
The sweet melting chew
Savory icing
Made for my mouth
I close my eyes
Taste buds dance
Pure enjoyment
A moment has escaped me
In my candy land
Until it's gone
A guilty pleasure
Plagued stomach
Churning to
Disappointed intestines
An alien
They don't quite understand
As it has no nutrients or vitamins to absorb
Sending the lipids and sugars
Away to live as fat
Surrounding areas I dislike most
I look in the mirror
And I imagine where that regretful donut went.

© Jl 2016

We are humans!
We are different.
We vary with each other from head to toe.
You cannot eat the same food as someone else eats.
You cannot always love someone back who loves you.
We make different choices.
We are different.
And that's really fine.
After all we are humans!

I ate some bad food
Now everything is flowing out me.
I write this from my safe haven.
Just beside my thought accelerator.
Aka. My shower.

when food stops being delicious
and starts being frightening instead
when dinner with friends suddenly is scarier
than walking alone in the late hours
when the tears start
just by the thought of eating with people
why is there no treatment for this
unnamed eating disorder
is it even an eating disorder?
or am I just being weird

I float on crackers
Adrift in a red sea
Toast and tea
Butter and sugar

You would be
The briny fish
Pickled silver
Vinegar and bones

We drift together
Where currents lead
Slowly winding
Sweet and salty