I wish that I could see into the future
see whether I'd still be thinking about you
all day every day
see whether you'd call me, telling me that you love me
or if it would all just be gone
our love, our humour, us

and her mind, that used to be like the most blue sky
was now grey and cloudy
and her eyes, that used to shine so bright
were now dull

who are you,
a stranger that somehow managed to make me fall in love,
what have you done to me?

this is not how i usually feel
my heart is arching
and i can’t stop thinking about you

last time i saw you
i did not know
that it would be the last time

you smiled
and walked across the room to kiss us on our cheeks
you asked us how we were doing
and we did too

you said that you were finally happy
and that life was great again
then you asked us if we wanted a ride home
we should've said yes

your loud laughter and charming smile
a kiss on the cheek
this is how i will remember you

i am 18
i do not feel like an adult
i do not feel like a teenager
what am i

when food stops being delicious
and starts being frightening instead
when dinner with friends suddenly is scarier
than walking alone in the late hours
when the tears start
just by the thought of eating with people
why is there no treatment for this
unnamed eating disorder
is it even an eating disorder?
or am I just being weird