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NitaAnn Nov 2014
Withdrawn and disconnected...
From everyone and everything.
I think I need a break...
I just don't think there is help for any of this right now.
Deep inside of me there is this yearning- this deep sadness.
And I have once again withdrawn inside myself.
I feel confused...the person I went to for help can't help me either.  
Nobody understands me.

Hopeless!  

I'm overtaken by hurt, and pain.
And I am now sinking into the darkness-the bad place.
Inside my soul is this realm of darkness,
The endless horror, the familiar hopelessness.

Tonight I hate all of NitaAnn!

No hope for NitaAnn…
Just smile and pretend everything is okay.
  
What's the effing point - it's all a big facade...
They pretend to care and pretend to listen.
I pretend I'm not the most ****** up woman on the face of the earth!

We all know none of that is true!  The jig is up!
I fold...and walk away...
Find a new ****** up person you can 'pretend' to care about!  
Because as we know...
"in the face of expected abandonment -don't you dare reach out - make another choice!"

I will, DT, don't worry...I will...nobody cares...whatever!  

I am FINISHED!  

OH, I'm making a different choice, DT, thanks for the advice!
NitaAnn Oct 2014
***...I am not well…I cannot keep up…I plug one leak and another has sprung somewhere else – my crazybrain is out of control…it is tiring.
I am forever waiting for a “better day”.
Tomorrow I will feel better...Tomorrow will be a better day…What if tomorrow never comes?
Like I said I am not well…I cannot keep up... I am about done.
MST Oct 2014
It is frustrating,
truly infuriating,
how I just cannot seem to get it right.
Every night,
I write words down,
and watch them turn to ****.
I write of love,
and hate,
or neither...
I write and write and write,
until I take a mental breather,
only to realize my brain has lost its light,
covered in mold that is its blight.
And I have these feelings in my heart,
which threaten to tear me apart,
and no matter what I do,
I cannot get it through,
of how I am in love with you,
or how I grew,
to hate that view....
And other ****.
Jay Ash Sep 2014
The path, chosen, has got us thus far
the sun now at our backs
casting many shadows before us
shadows of ourselves

as the light fails
our objective is lost

our journey has been hard
but now we are lost

the wolves howl
as night descends

we no longer know where to go
when once, it was all we had dreamt of

our hope now wanes
as the moon in the dark

the stars once bright
now blurred with fright

which way do we go?
for dark is all around us
no light, no hope

all is lost
the end
MST Aug 2014
My word is a lie,
which cuts the ties,
that held our love together.
So say your final goodbyes,
and look into my eyes,
and see it will all be better.
I have moved on,
and you still call,
because it is me for whom you long for.
But like an overplayed breakup song,
you must take this fall,
so try to land graciously on the floor.
Josiah Wilson Jul 2014
Sometimes
I'm tired
And it's not something you can fix
With a hug, a smile, and a kiss

Today
I'm tired
Not physically, but mentally
A pervading thing that drains me

And I
Am tired
Of this tedious mortal coil
Oh, to lay down and cease this toil

I think
I shall
Slip away from this world tonight
Perhaps when I pass, all will be right
Janielle Mainly Jun 2014
Have you ever finished something without ever starting it?
I just did.
NitaAnn Jun 2014
10W
Alone
Scared
Why
Always Ends
So Tired
It is
Over
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