From birth until now
How I’ve loved you,
Wonder of my soul-
The light that shines home
A universe I would build for you
As time marches on,
My days grow shorter
And vision begins to blur
Unable to see the greater beyond

But should you go before me
Know that I’ll be right behind you
It will be okay, my sweetest princess
(I don’t want you to go)

I’ve had my fill,
Saw the heights of the hills
watching stars shoot across
As I wished upon them all
And you came to be,
Miraculous and free
I knew heaven was real

So don’t waste a moment,
Looking back at what could have been
When your future is bright
And our time is running out
I’m up and over all my best days
But if I could do it over I’d replay
The very moment you were conceived
Was the very moment I came to be
I just want to make you proud
Before I go.

But should you go before me,
I’ll be right behind you
Slay any demon calling,
Until we reach singularity
Know on my death bed, darling
I don’t want you to go…

Years carry weight,
I’m drowning in sorrows of regret
And hoping the tide won’t take you
But I know, as you grow, you’ll fly the nest
Find your own in and out of our orbit
I’ll wish upon the stars that take you-
To your destined path
I hope that you’ll remember me

But should you go before me
I’ll be right beside you,
Conquer any evil, but my dear
I don’t want you to go…

I speak to you, my child,
so you may let me go,
let me rise to the heavens,
where the angels await me.

I speak to you, my child,
so you know that I am at peace,
so you allow me to continue my journey,
where I am meant to be.

I speak to you, my child,
so you don’t hold me back,
so you let me run among the clouds,
where my path has only just begun.

I speak to you, my child,
so you set me free,
so you let me let go,
where my soul will finally be free.

Father, I have understood that letting you go
is to set myself free.

Father, here I light these five candles,
one to thank you for every gift,
one to thank you for every moment we shared,
one to honor all your sacrifices for me,
one for every inspiration and affirmation,
one to cherish every touch and every kiss.

Five candles that hold all the love you gave me.
Was it enough or not?
It was all we knew how to give.

I let you go.
Rest in peace.
I love you, Father.

I wish I could write about balance
Yet it seems much is lost with me
Like the philosophy that used to define
Or the friends who used to get high
Yes, it seems I have aged for the worse
Becoming the very thing I fought against
The usual nine to five employee
Whose life revolves around a clock
Desperately waiting for the ringing bell
So that I might go home just to start over

"Can you help me with my homework?"

I'm a father now and having a purpose
Helps to cleanse the monotony
Yet, there is always that lingering thought
Who am I
Is this balance?
Or is balance lost?
The uncertainty is maddening as I return to the present
"Life is the geometric progression of experience"
It slips out and they want and explanation
"Please, Dad!"
I internalize my struggle
As I struggle to reconnect with my former philosopher
So I draw two dots for them
One is me now and one is me then
"Boys, this dot here is who your father was"
"This other dot is who he's become"
"Perhaps the value of the latter is less than its former"
"Maybe mathematics got it wrong and real value doesn't have a power"
"Or ratio to determine greatness"
"What if the father you know now is less than the man he was"
"Like that negative sign I find myself subtracting"
"Removing years and tears and time"
"In an attempt to find that simple balance"
"Possessed by a mind without a factor"

The boys look up to me as I hide my shame
They know men do not cry
"Its okay Dad, we love you for who you are now"
"You've become more than just a simple number"
"To us, you are the worlds greatest father"

There it is
I think to myself
I am found
The reason I continue through the pain
(Balance Regained)

A woman, bears the responsibility
of bearing her husband a son –
His legacy

Yet, even as she presents him
with a daughter, she gives him
a gift he never knew he had –
A soft heart

And in all that she offers him,
she provides a reason for him to
embrace the fullness of,

                                 Fatherhood!

You were in my arms
Now you're in distress
From all the nights you cried
Still saddened by this loneliness

I'm familiar with that state
And how it takes me down again
Down this rabbit hole of regrets
And the thoughts of what I said

So I'll make sure you never stumble
When you're running up ahead
I'll keep you in my arms
As I calmly brace your head

And if the world has turned to mayhem
And is on its final legs
I can hold you for eternity
Until you're feeling safe again

Before you're leaving me to run
Towards the sun you're convinced is red
Still searching our bluest ocean
As you're laying on its bed

So I'll do everything I can
To make sure you have some friends
Who can be there when it's rough
When your days are blue again

My youngest is an Aries.
Fiery by nature.
Has been from the start.
When the nurse brought her in
She chuckled,
“She’s feisty”.

Today, jumping from thing to thing.
with dizzying speed.
ADHD?
Hell no!
A champion of initiation.
She moves mountains
with whit.
Cuts through inertia
So quick
It closes the opening
With a searing stroke.  

Yet not so hot at
finishing.
But who would?
With as much as she starts.

The kid’s growing
And as she does,
I want for her to commit.
Of course!
To things big and small.
For her future.
For her now.

When she forgets
to feed the dog,
I’ll cover it.
I’ll even flush the toilet for the umpteenth time.

My dream for her
is that she does what she loves,
Follows her heart
in all of her affairs.
Whether she’s a finisher

Or not.

But, when it comes to dishes?
The good **** dishes!
She must always,
Always,
Without fail,
finish
doing
the dishes.

“Daughter”
My youngest is an Aries.
Fiery by nature.
When the nurse brought her in
the words were
“She’s feisty”.
She jumps from one thing to
the next.
With haste, and
dizzying speed.
Some may say it’s adhd.
Hell no!
She’s a champion.
She initiates.
She can move a crowd
to laughter with whit.
She’s not so hot at finishing though.
But who would
with as much as they start.
As the kid grows  
I want for her
to commit.
To all things big and small.
For her future.
For her now.
When she forgets
to feed the dog,
I’ll cover it.
I’ll even flush the toilet for the umpteenth time.
My dream for her
is that she does what she loves.
Follows her heart
in all of her affairs.
Whether she’s a finisher
Or not.
But, when it come to dishes?
She must always
Without fail
finish doing the dishes!