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PERTINAX Aug 2018
I wish I could write about balance
Yet it seems much is lost with me
Like the philosophy that used to define
Or the friends who used to get high
Yes, it seems I have aged for the worse
Becoming the very thing I fought against
The usual nine to five employee
Whose life revolves around a clock
Desperately waiting for the ringing bell
So that I might go home just to start over

"Can you help me with my homework?"

I'm a father now and having a purpose
Helps to cleanse the monotony
Yet, there is always that lingering thought
Who am I
Is this balance?
Or is balance lost?
The uncertainty is maddening as I return to the present
"Life is the geometric progression of experience"
It slips out and they want and explanation
"Please, Dad!"
I internalize my struggle
As I struggle to reconnect with my former philosopher
So I draw two dots for them
One is me now and one is me then
"Boys, this dot here is who your father was"
"This other dot is who he's become"
"Perhaps the value of the latter is less than its former"
"Maybe mathematics got it wrong and real value doesn't have a power"
"Or ratio to determine greatness"
"What if the father you know now is less than the man he was"
"Like that negative sign I find myself subtracting"
"Removing years and tears and time"
"In an attempt to find that simple balance"
"Possessed by a mind without a factor"

The boys look up to me as I hide my shame
They know men do not cry
"Its okay Dad, we love you for who you are now"
"You've become more than just a simple number"
"To us, you are the worlds greatest father"

There it is
I think to myself
I am found
The reason I continue through the pain
(Balance Regained)
A woman, bears the responsibility
of bearing her husband a son –
His legacy

Yet, even as she presents him
with a daughter, she gives him
a gift he never knew he had –
A soft heart

And in all that she offers him,
she provides a reason for him to
embrace the fullness of,

                                 Fatherhood!
anotherdream Jan 11
You were in my arms
Now you're in distress
From all the nights you cried
Still saddened by this loneliness

I'm familiar with that state
And how it takes me down again
Down this rabbit hole of regrets
And my thoughts of what I said

So I'll make sure you never stumble
When you're running up ahead
I'll keep you safely in my arms
As I calmly brace your head

And if the world has turned to mayhem
And is on its final legs
I can hold you for eternity
Until you're feeling safe again

Before you're leaving me to run
Towards the sun you're convinced is red
Still searching our baby blue ocean
As you're laying on its bed

So I'll do everything I can
To make sure you have some friends
Who can be there when it's rough
When your days are blue again
I imagine it's quite difficult being a father... seeing your own children experience pain but knowing you can't (and shouldn't) shelter them from it. They need to experience the negative emotions as much as they experience the positive ones.
Vinnie Brown Sep 2024
Carrying empty voices
time and time again
felled to the bone
deeper in unwelcome arms
wanting to die
forgotten to the wastes
searching for counterpoints
kept alive by love defined by you
The older I become the more I realize I am not the man I wish I had become. I didn't become the husband I wanted nor the father. I am hoping to continue trying. My father didn't have any love for me, I wish to change the narrative.
Arturo Aug 2024
My youngest is an Aries.
Fiery by nature.
Has been from the start.
When the nurse brought her in
She chuckled,
“She’s feisty”.

Today, jumping from thing to thing.
with dizzying speed.
ADHD?
Hell no!
A champion of initiation.
She moves mountains
with whit.
Cuts through inertia
So quick
It closes the opening
With a searing stroke.  

Yet not so hot at
finishing.
But who would?
With as much as she starts.

The kid’s growing
And as she does,
I want for her to commit.
Of course!
To things big and small.
For her future.
For her now.

When she forgets
to feed the dog,
I’ll cover it.
I’ll even flush the toilet for the umpteenth time.

My dream for her
is that she does what she loves,
Follows her heart
in all of her affairs.
Whether she’s a finisher

Or not.

But, when it comes to dishes?
The good **** dishes!
She must always,
Always,
Without fail,
finish
doing
the dishes.

“Daughter”
My youngest is an Aries.
Fiery by nature.
When the nurse brought her in
the words were
“She’s feisty”.
She jumps from one thing to
the next.
With haste, and
dizzying speed.
Some may say it’s adhd.
Hell no!
She’s a champion.
She initiates.
She can move a crowd
to laughter with whit.
She’s not so hot at finishing though.
But who would
with as much as they start.
As the kid grows  
I want for her
to commit.
To all things big and small.
For her future.
For her now.
When she forgets
to feed the dog,
I’ll cover it.
I’ll even flush the toilet for the umpteenth time.
My dream for her
is that she does what she loves.
Follows her heart
in all of her affairs.
Whether she’s a finisher
Or not.
But, when it come to dishes?
She must always
Without fail
finish doing the dishes!
Shawn M Pilgrim Aug 2024
Yesterday, she told me something I didn’t think that I’d ever hear
That life would be changing, all rearranging, and all of it in less than a year
I thought about my life, staring at my wife, wondering if she felt the same
That’s when she told me, honey come hold me, and lets see if we can think of a name

Today, she showed me something I didn’t think that I’d ever see
A black and white picture, showing the mixture, of love between her and me
She said it’s time don’t you think, to buy something pink, or should we buy something blue?
I then smiled at her, said it didn’t matter, I’d be fine with whatever God wanted to do

Tomorrow, I’ll meet someone that I didn’t think that I’d ever meet
Lying there in the bed, with their pretty head, little hands and tiny feet
I promise with my soul, now that you’ve made us whole, to give you everything I never had
And I can’t wait for the day, when you’re able to say, that you love your mom and dad
PERTINAX Mar 2024
“To live is to learn“
He said as he held his crying son
Between sobs he felt fresh tears seeping into his coat
Damp reminders of times he himself broke down
Feeling the pressing weight of life and it’s expectations
He held the boy at arms length

“There was a time not too long ago…

The magnolias were in bloom
Sweet summer consumed sweet home
Alabama sang from the back of a black pickup
Doors open and tailgate down we loved the sound
Touchdown! rang across white cotton fields
Swaying in the gentle southern breeze
Whose caress cools the heat of the day
That buzzes with whirling dragonflies
And Hovering Toms humming to a bees melody
Blue Jays fought Bluebirds under blue skies
Pocked by slowly drifting cotton clouds
Lazily shape shifting into reflections of the land below

A rabbit, curious, ready to bounce

‘Ol Bo, the bird dog, pointing to a fresh ****

A deer, alerted, spooked by murderous cawing crows

All of this, seen by a boy in a tree


“Until he fell”
The father whispered to his son
Rolling up his sleeve he showed him the scar
“You see, my boy, I have broken a bone or two…
Some hearts
… Some dreams
Said things I didn’t mean…
Yet those magnolias still bloomed
The bees still buzzed
And birds either love or hate the color blue
Such is the nature of nature:
It is alive because it has learned to live“
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