Every month, when I would have my four days of torture, I would call him on the first day and cry.
I would crib my heart out and curse every ******* cell that cramped.
Even though we were miles apart, his voice would pacify the pain, his words would calm me down and all I ever felt was love.
He was the cure to my Menstrual strain.

That's when I felt it.
I grabbed the grocery bag.
I looked down because I felt it.
I felt it on my ring finger.
I felt the thick banded symbol.
I felt it on my ring finger,
Even if it was only a second.
It was a second that lasted long.
Longer than the last time I looked into your eyes.
That was all I could see,
Those blue eyes staring back at me.
The same ones that have been washed away.
Away with all of our memories.
I felt them all right there,
At that moment,
I felt everything you'd ever meant to me.
Then the bag moved,
The plastic slipped away,
Just like we have into new worlds.

I'd be stuck at the bottom
Waiting for you to show the way
When it was in my control all along
I'm no longer there
I'm in a higher place
I have a smile on my face
Something you will never see
Something I never want you to see

I've got concerns
Ranging from head to toe
But mostly they're about you
I'm not quite sure
But your selfishness
Hasn't worn off on me
It hasn't even affected
How I really think of you
I've got concerns
That are no longer mine
You'll be just fine
And I'm making my own way
Just like I had been
The whole four years prior
I still turned out okay
I've just got one last concern
That involves things deeper
Than the indent on this paper
So it doesn't really matter to you
You still won't understand
That's no longer your concern
I'll be just fine
I'm still making my way
Just like I had been
The whole four years prior
I am turning out okay

Everything is how it should be
My writings been sparse
My thoughts not so much
My hairs turned coarse
My wardrobe hasn't been clutch
I can't find the time between
Hardship and anxiety
To let you get the best of me
But here I am
Crying over coffee
Because you decided it wasn't me

Trembling hands
Hands all over you
Your skin I know so well
So well like our love
Deep and endless

Endless is what we thought
Thoughts are turning into reality
The reality of you
And me
Working through my disease

My disease we worked through four years
Why not make it forty more
Forty more ounces
Until I forget my mistakes

My mistakes landed me here
Here in my bed alone
Alone
Alone at night
When I coulda shoulda stayed

I should have stayed in the house
The house you bought for us
For our woulda been family
Family means our furbaby
Family is ohana

You never left me
I never wanted to leave.
I just always thought it was better
You without me.

if you really want to see
what you've done to me
just look inside of this
this notebook you see

I'm petrified of your kiss
yet its the one thing I miss
when i'm laying on my couch
all benzo'd out

its the thing I desperately crave
when i'm alone in an ice cave
then I remember our bout
the one before you kicked me out
the one where I said ouch

you had me on your bed
your hands suffocating my head
all I thought was I love you tons
but then I saw your guns

I believed me a *****
a pathetic daddy issue girl
because of what you said
it burned me to the core

this is it you see
how I don'twant to be
how you thought me to be
that is what you've done to me