i used to think it was a pathetic thing,
to be scared of dying .
then the universe gave me you
and i never wished to be more alive .

I’m thinking all my charcoal thoughts—
Scorching on my mind—
I’m thinking all my crumbly words
Are worth the dark’s dull time
I sit here in the dark
And watch the embers burn
The feelings of the faces here
Mean nothing in the urn.
I sit against cold tiles,
Hiding in the dark
The fire burns me inside out
I’m alone, I’m hurt.
I sit deep in the fire
I have no more bones to give
All my blood is boiling
And my eyes have all but caved
I sit here in the fire
And think my charcoal thoughts
I want nothing else to do
With anything but dust.
Burn the legs and up the arms
I’m done with walking free
Burn the brain, the heart, the soul
I retire to the dream.

Life is just a long exam

Some pass

But most fail

I am studying.
I am dying from exams.
I should get some sleep.



Don't you just love exams?
I don't.
I hate it

and listen
to the sound
of your breath

one day,
you won't hear it
anymore

Should I be worried about something?
I stood by the bed and everyone cried, I held his hand and felt nothing
Quite literally since my grandpa was dead
But also because there might be something wrong inside of my head
I observed the time and told the nurse who walked in the room
One week later he was in a tomb
More like a six foot box in a wall
Flowers and a name as a rememberance is all
We visit occasionally my parents and I
An empty flower vase greets us each time
I take one from Dorothy's box right next door
Her family doesn't visit her anymore
But her flowers are there everytime that we go
So I move them around, it's not like she knows
My mother cries and my father stands strong letting one or two tears hit the ground
But I stand there and read names of strangers all around
Leaving behind people like my parents who mourn and remember
And granddaughters like me who don't cry and whatever
My mom calls it being strong for the family and says I'm okay
I think she's in denial of my lack of display
But alas a tear fell in fourth grade
I recall, putting my cat down at such a young age
Made me realize that death is a gateway to nothing
But leaving behind family that struggles with living
So I just won't show it anymore I determined when we left the vet place
I walk right by death and I don't leave a trace
He could knock on my door and I'd take him by the hand
Show him the bed and where to stand
Just like I stood during my grandpa's last day
He can stare at me and wonder looking on
Is there something wrong with this human?
I find myself thinking that I know it all, but I still am left asking
Should I be worried about something? Is it okay to feel nothing?

Is it wrong of me
To stare at my grandpa as he falls asleep
Eternally
And feel absolutely nothing
Except annoyance
At the reaction of my family
The messy tears that are rolling
I wonder why they cared so deeply
As if the world will end
With the exhalation of his last breathe
Knowing
That is not the case at all
The world will end
When we breathe our last
Individually
So I stare at my grandpa
Wondering if it is wrong of me
To feel better knowing
That it is not mine,
But his world ending

I was a ghost in a country of
                  shadows, where no one knew
                            who belonged and


who was the enemy.

Travelling on dirt roads,
                    a thousand year old walk ways
                    that had a ominous version.


A road to travellers of a far away, not knowing
                   the traps of improvised fear.
                    Diluted thoughts reflect on


hand covering death beneath the surface.


And when they ran in the fields of dust,
           a message from above kissed reality,
                                and they fell beneath the sands.


But there presence was lingering,  as there fear tore
                apart what travelled the roads after they'd left.


Crimson kissed the past present
              and the moments that died afterwards.

We die, we live, we are what collected
            before the silence.
            Dying for the freedom of those
                         who walk streets casually.

Our hearts stopped, so there footsteps could
                                                 walk on.