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Zywa 1h
Aren't all romances

a huge explosion of dreams --


and dearest desires?
Novel "the Passion" (1987, Jeanette Winterson), chapter 1 The Emperor

Collection "Loves Tricks Gains Pains in the 80s and 90s"
Can I tell you my dreams?
Will you stick around long enough to understand what each means?
Should I skip over the nightmare scenes
That flicker through like 8mm on pull down screens
While the essence meanders by like dust through projector beams
Two extremes
Two cerebral regimes
Strange themes
Nothing's as it seems
Importance only found beyond the streams of screams
I think maybe I won't mention my dreams

©2024
Life seems like a dream,
a mirage of different thoughts.
But if only it was,
I wouldn't be what I am,
I wouldn't see them go away
and,
I wouldn't be left alone in this world of billions....
I find myself dreaming even when I am awake.
Of life and death and what they'll celebrate at my wake.
Of every death I've seen before and know what it is to feel
I cannot be, it can only be dreams, it's not real.
But what can I say but, "I hear and obey."?

There was once a priestess in the time before Exodus who spoke in defense of Israel before Pharaoh and did not cease speaking even as she was walked deep into the desert.
I know what it is to thirst.

There was once a child who loved winter and who fell through the ice.
I know what it is to drown.

There was once an elder who was learned of medicine, who had no children but saved orphans of warring towns.
I know what it is to live with purpose and die fulfilled.

So when I dream and in prayer I hear Him say
To speak as I have spoken,
To go forward without fear,
And to hear His calling to purpose.
What can I say but, "I hear and obey."?
Peace
I.
At 3 AM, when prayer beads tick like Geiger counters,
my thoughts uncoil—copper-bellied serpents
tasting darkness with forked mathematics.
The mind's eye dilates. Space folds
like origami in reverse.
                          Here: the edge
where meditation meets vertigo,
where breath becomes sine wave,
oscillating between being and void.

II.
Two doors in the skull's quiet temple:
one opens on supernovas blooming like black dahlias,
one on atoms waltzing in their quantum ballroom.
Both lead down labyrinthine DNA spirals
to what we've spent eons fleeing—
that first serpent's whisper:
                               dissolve.

III.
Listen: the sound of synapses firing
like distant stars going nova,
each thought a light echo
bouncing through time's curved throat.
The heart grows dense as collapsed stars,
while dreams crystallize into sacred geometry,
snowflakes falling upward through dark matter.

IV.
Memory: that holographic river
where time swims backward through its own reflection.
I cup moments like bioluminescent plankton,
watch them slip away, pixel by pixel,
leaving ghost-prints on retinal nights.
Each lost second transforms me—
tree rings of light recording
what darkness taught the leaves.

V.
In the space between heartbeats,
neural networks weave myths from starlight,
encoding infinity in finite flesh.
We are legends dreaming ourselves awake,
ancient light translated into carbon,
into stories that birth galaxies
between firing neurons.

VI.
Observe the great devourings:
Universe swallows galaxy swallows star
swallows planet swallows society swallows self—
recursive hymn, eternal return.
Watch consciousness eat reality
eat quantum uncertainty
eat itself, until nothing remains
but foam on probability's shore,
glittering with all possible worlds.

VII.
Deep in the amygdala's forest,
where fear grows like luminous fungi,
I find fragments of cosmic egg-shell,
evidence of what we hatched from.
Each cell remembers its stellar womb,
each atom hums its hydrogen lullaby,
while DNA spells out in base-four code:
you are everyone you have ever been.

VIII.
When Brahman's eye blinks,
superposition collapses into now—
wave functions falling like autumn leaves
into singular moments of being.
Time is a spiral staircase
wrapped around a strand of RNA,
leading both up to heaven
and down to the quantum foam
where angels dance with quarks.

IX.
At the event horizon of ego,
where self meets infinite regression,
I dissolve like a koan in the mind of God.
The observer becomes the observed,
the cosmic dance becomes the dancer,
until there's no difference between
the meditation and the mantra,
the equation and its solution,
the eternal and the now.

X.
All is recursion:
Light waves breaking on consciousness' shore,
consciousness breaking on light's distant edge.
We are the universe's way
of witnessing its own reflection—
billions of eyes opened in wonder,
each pupil a black hole
drawing light into meaning,
meaning into mystery,
mystery into math,
math into music,
music into flesh,
flesh into light.

                    Again.
                           Again.
                                  Again.
Dear Dreamer,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that no one loved you the way you loved them.
I'm sorry no one stood up for you when you needed it, like how you did for them. He never got the prison sentence he deserved.
He never moved on from you. He knew he could never replace you, and yet he hurt you, and I apologize.
They never reciprocated their feelings, even after you poured your heart into them.

I'm sorry that you recognized their footsteps and had to live in fear.
They didn't fight for you when you needed it, but blamed you, and for that, I'm sorry.
They told you that you were the "troublemaker" and the "angry daughter", but why were you angry?
I'm sorry that they crushed your dreams, Dreamer.

I'm sorry that you had to leave.
I'm sorry that they talked about you behind your back, insulting your name.
They destroyed everything you've ever touched and spread nasty lies about you.
I'm sorry that they altered the truth, the same truth you wished people had heard.

I'm sorry that they had tried to crush the hope and heartbeat of a child.
They turned your blazing fire into a simmering ash, and it was almost fully diminished.
But you kept it burning nonetheless, and you kept dreaming.
So though I am sorry that I wasn't always there, I was always hopeful.
Keep dreaming, My Dreamer.

Best Regards,
You <3
this is my 131st poem, written on 11/15/24
In that golden hour
when memories fall
like photographs from
some upturned valise ,

Covered in esoteric symbols
like the record of some
bizarre travelogue through
magic , time and space .

Faces shimmer in the
cool night air .
Those ghostly lanterns
then disappear in a
mist ,

While forty-two saints read their lives .
The Knave , a Sleeping Princess
and the King of Hearts ,
all gone now and
dust stops their mouths .

But in another century
blazing with the fire of
a thousand suns ,
then giants walked the earth
and made all time their own .

Though now , as I sit here
in this solitary room
marked by time's passage
and the romance of decay ,

They seem to live still ,
more vibrant and bejewelled
than the phantoms of daylight
and their prisons of the mind .

In dreams they speak to me
in foreign tongues
and in curious manner , like angels
they confound my understanding .

In daytime they leave messages
and strange symbols ,
in numbers and
words that are not there .

The Moon is shining bright .
Their voices sing in the wind .
Everything is just a story
and all of it is real .
The last time I dreamed about you
I planted the dream in soil.
When I fell asleep and woke up.
I believed you to have grown,
Like any other flower.
Even if you turned out
to be a rose,
I didn’t mind the ***** of a thorn.
When I wiped my eyes
There was a cactus in the soil.
There are good dreams
And there are bad dreams.
Most bad dreams start off good.
Then become prickly and cold.
I didn’t care.
I lugged you around with me
everywhere.
Pulling out the spines
that stuck me.
No matter where we went
I considered them kisses
From you to me,
And me, I considered my dream
A reality.
Then you got larger.
Then you got heavier.
That happy lug turned to a hard pull.
And those cute little ******
Turned into being stabbed.
there’s a reason why most cactus’
Are found in the desert.
And why some dreams
Are just like a cactus
Scattered snakes
A leap of faith
A vacation from self
Into void

Two doors
Open Eyes
A descent
Into what we avoid

Constant sounds
Crescendos
To proximity
Of now
Meditation breaks
Then reforms

Foreign Sensations
Cell surge
Heavy heart
Static dreams
A pit opens
In consciousness

Destruction of silos
Synthesized parts
Hypnotized whole
One moment
Breaking into many

Weight of being
Sinking into flesh
Falling through mind
Flying past thought
Floating in awareness
Light as emptiness

I want to hold onto my memories
Like water in cupped hands
I fear entropy taking them away
Bit by bit, byte by byte
I am attached to them and I love them
Even as they change me
I see life through them
Through dreams that dream me

Webs of Stories form beliefs
Influencing actions
Creating concepts of me
Until me becomes myth

A synthesis of cells
Speaking electric tongues
A possession of matter
By patterns that think
Through a brain and a spine
And everything between
Resulting in unity
Of scattered fragments

Interactions forming bonds
All the way up
All the way down
Outside and within
Culture eating society
Society eating self

Self eating body
Body eating mind
Biology consuming chemistry
Chemistry consuming physics
Down to quantum foam

Relationships and interactions
Observation collapses waves
Into singular moments
Of existence

Embodied interactionism
Where Brahman meets brain
Where infinite touches finite
Where I dissolve
Into we

Forming beliefs
From scattered signs
Influencing actions
Through quantum dice
Creating me
From cosmic debris
Until individual
Becomes universal
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