I seethe within what echoes disdain for all things wanting, because I can't seem to keep what's there to begin with

The desire to purge prior prose and start from scratch beseeches my mind to scrawl what dire nuance calls my name, but I don't look it in the eyes

It's my demon; my voice that resonates deep within; the call of all things mired by fate-less whispers of what's more, or right

But I know, it can't be how I desire. What can be will only come when time sets right the means to seek it out; to reach for whatever may be reaching back at me

I can't move forward unless I know for certain what's there would not bring more desolation. I am a coward, but am I human? I ask myself that every waking moment

I crave nothing more than to be normalized and reverberate with twining string of fate that actually calls my name, not the sour tones of dissonance and disdain as before

I crave reality to be my own, rather than reality to own everything I can not

I seek, eternally.. I find nothing but light that touches the surface, but never does the sun actually rise.

Bring me to my own horizon, bring me fate, bring me peace..

I hope..

There are good death
And there are bad ways over
Mundane or momentous
Closure is a pain bipolar

To lovers, family, friends
Or old habits and memories
Our hearts of roller coasters
Point always the longest ways

At night, the city bursts like a still life of a firework,
on the ground with the fun people walking all over her.

When I'm with you, the dissonance in my heart turns to harmony. Yet, when we're apart, its quite the contrary.

a single note slips out of the chord
as the others cling to safe harmony
she turns the soundwaves to crackling lightning
she becomes the tension of a catastrophic earthquake
she pushes the limits of the dam and threatens to flood
she is dissonance
and she will hold out before her resolution

Didn't want to
but I had to get
under the duvet
and sleep today
away

tomorrow or when the tulips bloom
I shall in all probability
leave
and this room will fade in my memory
to leave a scar on the graffiti of history

On that day which is going to be fine
or so Radio Caroline says,
the room and I
will go our separate ways.

Listen.
        Hear the dissonance between my words
        And question if I meant to pause
        Or if it was just the natural fluctuation of my voice
-
        I’m screaming for attention when I don’t speak
        In the way my eyes widen
        And my head lowers

Inhale.
        Slowly now
        So that the air moving through your lungs
        Isn’t so much as a whisper

Quiet.
        It’s the pauses we take when we talk on the phone
        No voices exchanged
        But the smiles are content
        Resting on the absence of noise between us

Learn.
        I’m deaf to the world
        And you’re the only one I seem to be able to hear
        Despite the void of sound
-
        God, you sound beautiful
        My ear drums don’t vibrate
        But my heart does
        So I understand everything you’re saying before your mouth moves

Exhale.
        Watch the way my chest falls
        Tell me with you hands if I’m not letting go slow enough

Realize.
        They say a picture’s worth a thousand words
        But the vacancy of audio is worth your attention

Silence.
        It’s golden
        Even when we erase it with straining vocal cords
        Understand that speech is a waste of oxygen
        Every moment we spend speaking
        Is a moment closer to our last breath

Listen.
        Hear the world on mute
        Hear the dissonance in the emptiness
        Hear what I have to say
        When my lips don’t open.

Skip,
The heart stops momentarily.
A moment's peace not to feel,
Not to breathe.
In that time
everything is right.
No worry,
No pain,
Nothing you do is in vain.

But,
The heart starts back up again.
Flooded veins surge back,
Full of emotions.
In that instance
the chaos ensues.
Why me,
What if,
Nothing stifles the itch.