Because it’s not terminal,
And statistically curable,
Do I have the right to say I survived?

When it’s all said and done,
And the battle is fought and won,
Will I deserve to be crowned victor
If the trophy was handed to me
Before it had all even begun?


Did I suffer enough to deserve this?

Not long after I laid myself upon the Earth,
I began to grow roots, suckling the green.

Before you knew it, they borrowed farther,
Far from me, crawling faster away.

To be so toxic, yet making myself at home.
I needed some good, to prune the bad.

As I gaze at the storm clouds rolling,
I wait for the rain, but not before the tears.

There is a bitterness, rotten deep within.
To be so disconnected, it is painful.

So I lay, disgusted with my own ruin,
Wishing the woods would cure me.

What a dumb little lie, who do I kid.
I will decompose with pestilence.

How dare I come here, how dare I weep.
But here I'll stay, a graveyard of grief.

Stick my veins with pins and needles
Fill my blood with poison
They'll pretend not to notice the ever growing circles under my eyes
Or how my skin get paler with each passing day
Let them pretend
Let them whisper their concerns behind closed doors
Open me wide and fill me with malady
Take up your knife with a close precision
And cut me out of my body
Let my spirit rest in the stars
Take away my earthly pains
With your head held high
And the bittersweet taste of indifference on your lips
(Bitter for me, sweet for you.)
Pour death into my bones,
Don't cease or falter when my eyes flutter shut and my lungs seize up
Let my heart beat slow and my mind go numb.

often written
is a condition
they call it
the “hanahaki” disease

the details are
that you shall fall in love
it shall be unrequited
and you shall cough up flowers
until you die

i had always wondered
why i never caught
the coughing flower disease

not that i
wanted to die, of course
it’s just

i thought my feelings for you
were stronger than any wind
wider than any land
deeper than any ocean
and my dear
it was a fact
that you did not love me back
not the way i thought
i wanted you to

time passed
and i came to realise
the reason my love for you
did not **** me
was not because it wasn’t strong enough

the reason i had not died
death my the flowers growing in my lungs
is because my love for you was not “real”
because you were not “real”
not really

you were an idol
on the other side of the screen
and no matter how much i supported you
adored you
loved you

we would never be anything more
than an idol
smiling for a living
and a fan
whose smile you saved

and deep in my heart
perhaps, that, i already knew

if i were to cough up flowers
stained with one-sided love
it would be a rose
made of plastic
not “real”
not really
but it would last forever

just like the love
between you
and me

Stephen Hawking.

A man who was revered.
A man who was loved.
A man who was looked to for guidance.
All of these things, but most of all,
he showed the youth of the world,
that there is a way.
That you have the ability,
to become whatever you want.

Stephen Hawking had ALS/Lou Gehrig's disease,
for over 55 years.
He died on the same day that I am writing this.
March 14, 2018.

Ever since I was about 12 years old,
I've been more than interested in science.
This got me exposed to Stephen Hawking.

As I got older,
I started to actually understand what he was saying,
rather than just listen to,
pointless words from a pointless device.

The first subject that I could understand well,
was Hawking Radiation.

I won't get into the nitty gritty,
but it has to do with how the energy,
that a black hole absorbs is expelled.

The point in me saying this,
is not because I want you to know about science.
But because I want you to know,
how this singular man,
affected me.

No.

Affects. Me.

I watched the YouTube video that showed me Hawking radiation when I was twelve years old,
I am 16 now and know what it is,
by memory.

I'm not a genius by any means,
but Stephen Hawking,
he gave me the courage to push forward,
to be eager to learn.

You might not know this,
but in the United States,
kids all around the country,
they are discouraged to learn
due to bad grades,
due to bad teachers,
due to bad funding,
they are essentially taught this,
nothing you do will ever be enough.

Stephen Hawking?
He didn't care.

Granted he didn't go to school in the U.S.,
but he was dealing with a different battle.
ALS is a neurodegenerative disease.
This means that even though he is,
sorry,
was,
one of the smartest people on this planet,
he will be constantly bombarded by a blockade that he can't even see.

This is the same battle in a different form,
that every child in the U.S.,
is facing.

Cyber-bullying.
******-harassment.
domestic-violence.
ph­ysical-abuse.
emotional-abuse.

These are all major causes of suicide.

Stephen Hawking gave us the courage to push past our,
"disease",
to become something better.

And who am I to stand here and preach
From my first world society
About how hard it is
To have depression and anxiety
When people are dying
Because of hunger and disease
Because our resources cant meet all of our needs
And all I do is consume
How dare you presume that I am complaining because
I'm not
I'm not