If I were to die tonight,
Will anyone ever wonder
Where I go
Or how I went?

If I were to die tonight,
Will my research
Be finished without me
And my friends graduate?

If I were to die tonight,
How will I ever explain
Not going back to school, or passing my requirements?
Will my teachers even care, or will they fail me?

If I were to die tonight,
Will a seat be empty
During the college entrance test
At the testing site?

If I were to die tonight,
Will a classroom ever notice
How one student is gone?
Or will they simply dismiss it as me being late?

If I were to die tonight,
Will all my bad memories
Dissipate into the air,
Or will people still talk bad about me?

If I were to die tonight,
Will all my mistakes vanish
Or am I taking all of them to my grave,
Dying with humiliation?

If I were to die tonight,
How will I be remembered?
Am I simply a stupid kid,
Or am I just dust of the Earth?

If I were to die tonight,
Will my family ever realize
How much I've been asking for help
But they simply dismissed it?

I don't think I can't explain this love
Its just complicated
Everything you say
Everything you do
No-one can make me feel like you do
This love cant be bad
Because it feels good
I can't explain it though
I love the pain

"I want you forever, even when were not together"- Camila Cabello Bad Things

Overly emotional
strangely proportional
partly suboptimal
highly improbable

Easily
devided
by truth and anger
and all that subsided

I'm trying
I'm hiding
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to scream
mostly defying
the urge to break
the urge to destroy
to disappear, to dissolve
I might be lying

To myself
to myself
My need for leaving or staying
is always unmet
with internal bleeding
my thoughts are paying
and these monsters
in my head
keep eating
Did I really put them there
myself?
Or did it happen back
when I was twelve?

I hear you
but your breath is so cold
I wanted to believe
in anything but you
But I think we got too old
and the house
my heart grew in
has long been sold

And when I'm drinking
you get angry
but what should I do?
My thoughts feel so scattered
and you can't pull me through

I'm trying
I'm fighting
Bad at denying
I need to feel
I need to dream
mostly defying
the urge to fake
the urge to decoy
to reappear, to resolve
I might be lying

to myself

they noticed everyone else's pain but not mine.

my room feels empty
or maybe that’s just me
i feel empty a lot
and by “feel” empty i mean
i don’t feel much of anything at all
i’m just cold
i’m cold because
we’re coming up on winter soon
and i’m alone
i’m alone in my room
and far away from motivation but
submerged in hopelessness
i’m far away from feeling
like i need to be here
and i’m far away from feeling
like anyone wants to
save me

I woke up
I've had enough

Enough...
Enough of EVERYTHING!!

Enough of being lonely.every.single.NIGHT!!
Enough of being lied to, by the ones I love.
Oh, you promise you won't leave??
hahaha... I've heard that enough to know, no one stays.

Enough of crying myself to sleep. every. single. NIGHT!!
Enough of taking these pills, and waiting for the numbness.
Oh, you say ''I don't need them''??
hahaha... I've heard that enough to know, I need them.

The reason behind my poem? to tell you I woke up...

I woke up
I've got to change...

Change...
Change EVERYTHING!!

Change the fact I feel lonely. every. single. NIGHT!!
not everyone lies
Some people will break promises
hahaha... I've just got to live with it.

Change the fact I pop pills. every. single. NIGHT!!
These pills aren't good
They'll **** me overtime
hahaha...I've got to fight this demon.

If only it were as easy as writing this down, willing my poem to make me change...

Change...
Something I can't do...



© Copyright Tyler Atherton

Lately all I've been feeling is  lost
Because whenever I want to **** myself I try to contemplate the cost
But every time it is a battle that is hard fought
Every time I get closer and closer just to ending it all
And on those lonely nights, instead of trying to fix it I just continue to push my liver to its limits
And people don't understand

People don't understand the true feeling of feeling lost
People don't understand what it feels like when the only thing you feel is lost

People don't understand how therapy doesn't do anything
Because if those therapists wouldn't get paid they wouldn't be there

People don't understand why talking about it doesn't do anything
Because those people who listen don't ever know what to say

People don't understand why trying to be happy doesn't work
Because it is impossible to shut out the voices from your head


People don't understand how our society is so heartless
Because instead of helping you when you're down they kick you
and beat you
and taunt you
Until you think you can't take anymore
Then they make it worse

Lately I've just been feeling lost
So lost that I can't even think straight anymore
So lost that eating is something I feel like doing anymore
So lost I don't even want to die anymore

So lost that all I can do is cry some more
So lost that all I want to do is cry some more