After 26 days
I realize that I was not in the right place
to make any decision for both of us
I also realize that being in love with you
is a choice that I keep on making
every single day

Two hearts,
desolate and yearning,
are put through the tedious test
of finding one another,
and they do,
they live as happily ever after as they can in this broken world

****
As far as i can see
This can mean no good

Call me crazy

But I lie alot

Even when qips and quoted urge the truth

The truth shall set you free

So I should assume lies keep you locked

I just can't stand hurting people a lot

Call me weak or whatever you will

I can keep a secret or a promise if you will

Disagree that's your decision

I just can't give my loved ones a true depiction

Family problems

What a troublesome bunch

So I lie to keep the peace

Because it's gotten worse

Since the truth has been out

I can take it they scream and shout

Friends are just as bad

Because family is forever and friends my never last

So how to keep it dear like the beginning of a letter

I sweat in summer wearing a winter sweater

So I will always be sweating

To tell the truth

Or to lie to you

It's like walking into hell from a war zone
Reality just to escape the "comfort" of your own home

It's actually not that bad

But not that good

Because I've noticed that being difficult is not my style

But I can't conform to everyone

Lose control to brash decision that aren't my own

So I lie

Yes I lie

Why I lie

Because like this sweater

It makes me feel better

To not hear the bickering

To not keep a secret

To not care when caring

To lie and make you feel better

To stay in the back

I'm interested in that

Because if I get involved

Then I'll be free

And freedom has its price    

Pay it that's your choice

But it won't be mine

Not this time

Because I'm tired of it

So call me crazy

But

Sigh



This is why I lie

The grass may be greener on the other side
but I’m still on the white picket fence
that we built ourselves with ply,
a wall to the world useless for our defense.

Deciding between you
and them,
between our crumbling foundation
and a long road ahead,
between resentment and
regret,
this is where I sit,
on the fence.

-bes-

Stutter, stifle my words and thoughts...
...I shiver.

In this endless need to fill my quiver...
... of racked up jargon

To contend to the meaning of my affection...
...I sought direction.

I found that the notion had no meaning...
...to placate your dissatisfaction

I alone hold dear to what I felt was quality...
until you bridged the gap of enmity.

Now we both trace a furlong of doubts...
...which I had ended up seeking no clouts.

Life is beautiful
Life can be beautiful
An easy mix up of words
that can lead to confusion to the mind
When you don’t know the type of waters you are testing
“IS” is a mere perception
“CAN BE” makes room for decision
“It is head”
versus
“It can be heads”
Because it leaves room to be “tails”
Food for thought
We paint a picture in our minds on
how we “ought” to be
Time is endless
But we have this idea that we are wasting time
Then wait!
What time are you running by?
Is it the time of your life?
Because any split second your death is unknown
and all human beings know with life comes death and that is our destiny that we cannot run away from
but to live in adventure
But the adventure is crushed by the story-teller of your life
Story tellers tells you to believe in a religion, that God does not like ugly, that women should obey their spouse, that people should procreate, marry and eliminate all human beings who does not meet qualifications or expectations of the story-teller
The story-teller also insist on telling you that you have to go to college, make a living, make status, make money, buy a house and make kids to do it all over again. You must live your life based on these certain structures because this is what it is and shall be
The story-teller is merely one perspective
and it is their own perception of their life’s book
How can it fit for every single human being?
Life is beautiful
Life can be beautiful
Is the same unasked question of life
“Life is beautiful“–deters the idea of being anything more but just beautiful
There is no ifs, buts, should, could, would, or nots than what it just is
There is no room left for a decision because the decision is already made
Without the interference of others thinking another
Life is anything you perceive it to be
That’s why “Life can be beautiful”
Because it articulates what the mind faces to overcome
everyday of our lives
We bring our experiences, circumstances, ideas, creativity, talent, and etc
to draw conclusions or shape one’s own views
Whether life is good or can be good is determined by your perception and experiences
It is determined by whether you packed up your good and bad experiences to shape your overall thought
and leads you to react in a certain way depending on a situation.
My Voice of Wisdom & Knowledge:
Life is beautiful to me
I do not believe it is anymore than beautiful because I don’t want to open any cans of possibilities for it NOT being “beautiful.”
The “can be” allows room for it to be full of other possibilities other than beautiful.
When I say it is, it is PERIOD
This is my truth!
Life can be so easy as having great conversation, mental stimulation, ***, more ***, fun, love, and adventures in nature.
Conversations are meant to spark thought
I don’t think it is there to offend or make people uncomfortable unless that uncomfortable person feels “a way”–then it is merely their own issue
Those who do not converse on certain matters is COOL too because they still can actively listen to the conversation and make their own input in their minds
Everything in life CAN BE peaceful and loving
But we get so caught up with our own view and perception
that it doesn’t make room for DIFFERENT angles
I WANT TO BE ONE WITH ALL
Because we all are unique snowflakes
Every unique snowflakes have one thing in common, which is
Being a SNOWFLAKE
coming from one source
People are nothing more than eye level to me
Nothing more, nothing less
No superior and no inferior
Peace, harmony, love, happiness, and enlightenment
We think we know but we are far from knowing
This is all the beginning
We need to put all the pieces together and work the mind, body and spirit
by connecting BACK to SELF
SELF centers YOU
SELF helps YOU understand others
SELF has many offerings
SELF is what it is
And those in the exterior looking at YOU can appreciate or hate YOU
because they view themselves as such!
Life is beautiful is my decision
YOU can continue to decide whether Life CAN BE beautiful.

On my path of self discovery
I've discovered that I must destroy myself
To become what is new
Wether it be by brick
Or an explosive tick
For I walk on goals
Full of holes
Deeper and steeper the steps will take
But now in lay stagnant
Something never wanted
It concerns me that I'm an open book
With a summary and title
Chapters of many
But the contents of my pages
Well there aren't any
On the verge of relaxing in stress
At the place where negativity surrounds me and positivity smothers me to death
I fear the mirror I look in will appear blank
For I know what I am
But not who I am
At the point I discover I'm destroyed
Maybe it'll make sense when I look in the mirror

What a joke

They call it

Growing up