Wandering around the room like I'm in a cycle, spiraling.
Hours passed, it hurts my knees from within.
Creating the millionth dream in my fantasy,
Will I ever stop this pattern or has it become a part of me?

Witnessing all these blurry images in me
Happy crowds and smiling faces, rising from my tragedy.
Is it my brain that is protecting me?
By creating false realities I've never tasted.

Should i be grateful for it or just stop?
My tasks are overflowing from the desk, a pile so high, someone could climb to the top.
My intuition tells me to cut this habit off,
Like a tumor that should be chopped.

Finally discovered it's all just parts,
Drenched in dark pitch, starving larks.
The moments i should have been in,
Have they turned into curses or are they just blessings?

Constantly putting off, it's addicting
Cause as long as I am in my head and dreaming,
I wouldn't need any other thing
Still, I can sense my higher self hoping:

Someday in the future I'd be quitting
Replacing these fake memories with something genuine
I don't know if it will happen but if it ever does
My legs would finally sigh and be greatly thanking.

I could write about castles and elves and fated love all night long but then I'd ignore all my chores and dream
the day gone
I can write these enemies into perfect lovers but where's my energy to fold these freshly washed quilted covers?
The slow burn ends when my pen hits the page but when I'm met with reality
all I feel is rage
And in my poetry I find escape but I'm just staring at my wall, and hitting my vape.

becoming the clouds
floating through the atmosphere
daydreamer’s delight

I dream
of the apocalypse
long for it
fantasize daily
of what it would be like

the world as we know it
ending
never to be the same again

the pain of lost nostalgia
society crumbling
a fresh start

I long to see human nature
stripped down to animal form
raw fury
primal instincts

we would all be killers
wild and desperate
so focused on survival
we'd forget about all the petty things that used to matter

everything would be different
no one would have to hide anymore
I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HIDE ANYMORE!
we could succumb to it
the darkness
the Monster

it wouldn't matter
the demons that plague you
who you love
who you are
all your deepest
darkest
secrets
suddenly simply methods of survival

I would survive, I think
we would
alone
together
just fighting zombies

let's be honest:
they aren't that bad anyway

someday, society would be reborn
a new one
post-apocalyptic
we would go back to what we once were
creatures of the night
of blood and beauty

but for a while, nothing but
anarchy
lawlessness
pure desperate survival
where nothing matters
and everything goes

I dream
of the apocalypse

Daydreaming and Dissociating

Dissociation is a way of transcending one's own boundaries,

A feeling of weightlessness, of drifting in the viscosity of thoughts,

Daydreaming as a kind of state without space and time,

Lost in a Penrose triangle of emotions or feelings,

Nothing endures there, at the same time everything is there,

Like a library where the books only have empty pages,

A concert without music, without sounds, without lutes,

A meadow where no flowers grow or where flowers will never bloom,

A journey without a destination,

The body and mind reorganise, they change and adapt,

In essence, dissociating is a kind of daydreaming, only much less pleasant,

Daydreaming and dissociating fight for supremacy in me every day.

Existing in a haze
Daydreams crowd her brain
She surrendered and smiled
Said, "I think I'll stay a while"
As she stared into space
And her mind began to race
The belonging that she chased
No longer did it evade

When

Alice, Alice, bleeding soul
Fled into her rabbit hole
Dreaming of a better world
Broken, mad and all alone
Alice, Alice, don't let go
But Wonderland is her true home
She needs it so she can cope
Madder than a hatter, Alice
Broke

So now she sits alone
She's lost track of time
Gazing into the distance
She exists within her mind
Sometimes she comes back
But joy she cannot find
So in her mind she'll drown
Falling deeper down, down, down

Alice, Alice broken soul
Lives inside her rabbit hole
Seeking out a better world
One where she'll never be alone
And they cry, "Alice, don't let go!"
But Wonderland is all she knows!
Reality holds no more hope
Madder than a hatter, Alice...

Alice, Alice hopeless soul
Held captive by her rabbit hole
Her daydreams will not let her go
Lost her mind so long ago
Alice, Alice, now she knows
Her Wonderland was all a hoax
Now she's just a shadow
Madder than a hatter, Alice
Choked

Welcome to Wonderland!
Alice looks around and decides she wants to stay a while.
Inside her brain, she can be
whatever she wants.
Inside her brain, her pain no longer exists,
and she is no longer Alice, but someone
better.
As she stares into space, she journeys deep inside her mind until she finds something new
and entirely perfect.
She found somewhere worth staying.
As she developed this new world
and her lovely characters,
paras,
she stayed for longer and longer
and was never bored again.
On the contrary, she was
happy.
Happier than she had ever been in reality.
So she wondered to herself,
Why
Leave?
But her Wonderland came at a price.
Dissociation was her plague as she fought to stay present
in what was once her reality.
As returning to her body became harder and harder,
Alice gave up trying
to fight the daydreams as they
crowded
her
mind,
leaving room for
nothing
else.
But it didn't matter.
Because in Wonderland,
Alice was content
free
loved.
She belonged.
She accepted her insanity as
beautiful.
And chose Wonderland as her home.
Everyone warned her of its dangers.
Tried to keep her
in their nightmare
reality.
But Alice vowed to
never
turn
back
as she embraced
her Wonderland