tw: self harm


Something’s wrong with me
I need... I need something
I want to draw lines
Quick strokes
Then pause to watch
Then pause to feel
It fill in red
It’ll stiiiiiinnngggg....
I’ll see the garnet drops grow
Until they trickle down my arm
Leaving a carmine trail behind

And through it all
Relief will flood my body
I’ll forget about everything around me
In that moment
The pressure is released
And I feel okay again
At least for a bit

tw: self harm


It’s 3 am
I could sleep
I really should just sleep
But if I wanted to...
If I wanted to take out the knife...
I could
And honestly
I’m just waiting
For some part of me to give way
So either I am forced to sleep
Or allowed to cut

tw: self harm


There’s this noise
It’s on repeat
In my head
And it’s whispering
In the back of my mind

do it again
                  cut deeper this time
   don’t you want to see the blood?
                       don’t you want to feel the pain?
        you want it.              i know.
                         just pull out the knife
              clean it
and release

I am yearning with
an ache for something
sharp to caress my arms

tw: self harm


Instant
Powerful
Relief
To just
Stop
Fighting
And drag
The blade
Across
The
Wrist

tw: self harm


What a feeling
What a ******* rush
Just to hold it
To wrap my fingers around the cold handle
To know what it could do
Knowing what it has done
Adrenaline release
Anticipation
But also... comfort
It feels so nice... so right
Resting in my palm
And I know I shouldn’t...
But I kinda wanna use it...

I see you
You’re the girl who’s too put together
For what her heart feels
For what her arms scream
You wear band aid sleeves
Your lips spill out lies
But I can see past
Band aid blinds

It’s your little secret
That kills you inside
No one knows how deep those cuts go
Deeper than your skin

You must be in agony
There’s a monster clawing at your heart
And no one else seems to care
You feel you’re bleeding out
In front of them all
And no one says a word

You must be so frustrated
Seeing your own hands cut your skin
When no one around you needs
To destroy their body
Just to get through the day

You wish you could rip off the band aids
And let them drink in your brokenness
But you never do

My friend, I want to tell you
Everything will be okay
But you’re the only one
Who can make that promise
All I can do is tell you
I see your cuts
Because I had them too

And I thought it would never get better
But I was wrong

I hope more than anything
That someday your cuts will
Turn white just like mine
And you’ll wear short sleeves
And not be ashamed
And that one day you’ll see past someone’s
Band aid blinds
And tell them your story
Of how you thought your pain would last forever
But in the end
It didn’t

It’s funny how quickly
You can swallow pills
I wondering how daring I could be
How many before I sleep
I can feel them in my limbs
The looseness off my arms
Weight of my eyelids...
But it’s not enough
I’m not numb enough yet
I’m still awake
Put me to sleep
I don’t wanna be awake
I DON’T WANT TO BE AWAKE

They kept me from my knife
Little white pills won over metal
Cause I can’t remember what was wrong
Idk why I was upset
But idk
Maybe I’ll just cut myself anyway
Just to ******* feel it
Maybe I just want to
Maybe I just want to bleed
Maybe I’ll just take one more....
Then watch me bleed

Trigger warning: Cutting, self harm


Not technology
Not an accessory
Not a tool
Not a clock
Not a device
Not jewelry

My watch is a mask
A disguise, a cover
For the darkness I hide

As long as it’s there
As long as it stays put
They’ll never know
That underneath
There are marks which prove
Irrefutably
I’m living a lie
I’m not alright

But I can keep it quiet
Hiding my wounds
Beneath my watch band

I am on a diet
from sharp knives

I have been fasting
for about two months

Here is my clean
untouched wrists

But what if I got thirsty
for a drop of my blood?

What if I got hungry, and swallowed
all the knives in the kitchen drawer?