when i cry
i’m always afraid
that i won’t be able to stop
and i often wonder now
if there’s enough
sadness in me
for me to cry myself into dehydration
if i didn’t hold anything back

between letting my sorrows drown me
and purging all that i am
i cannot decide

but perhaps the decision
is not mine to make
     i must also remember

this life i am given
is not mine to take
...

~MN

my eyelids still heavy
with the memory of crying,
i only let more tears
make their way down my face.

Every minute of every day I cry.
I know my eyes seem so dry.
But beyond this surface there's pain and lies.
There's a hole right in my head.
Filling with everything that I hear or that's been said.
I didn't expect so many to place the gun there and pull.
Tears fill my mind and lungs.
Deeper and more clear than any pool.
There's a leak to fix.
But where's my tools?
I'm saying i'm fine.
And you think it's true.
This is the most stupid thing you could do.
But I cry in the shower so who's the fool?
Off I go.
Reaching for hope and proof.
Empty hands and broken truths.
Need tissues.
But hiding it will do.
Don't know if i'm sad.
Or my hearts beating thinner.
Fighting to be like your an angel.
End up treated like a sinner.
No quiet.
Just noise and fillers.
While I cry on the inside.
My smile gets bigger.

slightly
sobbing
  silently

Depression is that one friend
who is attached to you by the hip.
The one who bugs you,
Points out the insecurities you carry
You ponder on the thought
Of being free,
Not having to live with this leech
Inside of your head.
Tearing, breaking, crumbling your mind.
It breaks you,
Mentally and physically.
A war is going on in your own head
It will win.