Its 3:30 in the morning
My eyes bloodshot and wide awake
My mind in a confused trance
My chest running out of breath
My heart growing heavier by the minute

Desperately going for my keys
Wallet on hand, phone in my pocket
I think I need a drive just for tonight
To chase where my mind goes
And clear the thoughts off my head

My hands trembling in panic
My eyes stealing focus on the road
Limbs on automatic as my mind wanders
I guess a trip to get some alcohol
Would help calm my nerves down

Took a sip while heading to Lord knows where
Holding back my tears as I run around in circles
I don't know where I'm heading, I just kept on driving
My heart in a constant state of agony
As I found myself stopping at your front door

Bursting into tears when I realized
Where I sought to find some comfort
In your arms I've always felt at ease
But this time it feels so different
When the same arms are the ones hurting me

I know I agreed to wait for you
Wait for you to fully open your heart to me
I even said I'd wait against all the odds
Just to earn the chance to win your heart
But why do I feel miserable at this moment?

You seemed so close to me
Well within my hands' reach
You shower my body with your embrace
And nurture my lips with your kisses
Yet why do you feel so distant?

No matter how much I try to run to you
You keep on pushing me farther away
No matter how much I try to break your walls
You keep on setting up newer, stronger barriers
Sometimes I can't keep up with your thoughts

You leave me dazed and confused
And yet you still make me feel loved
You make me believe that this could be concrete
Yet you can't put words on how much I mean to you
I don't know how to respond to any of this

You make me feel at ease in adversity
And yet sometimes you're confusing to me
A source of both my serenity and sweet agony
You're an addiction that may be bad for my being
And yet I still offer to you my everything

You drove me in a crossroad I can't avoid
You want me to stay and yet you freely let me go
So now I'm in a dilemma I can't imagine to escape
Because even as all the signs point to danger
Here I am, still driving, still going towards you

I'll keep on driving towards where you are
No matter how near or no matter how far
People may say that I'm idiotic and crazy
But regardless I stand by the routes I choose
And amidst all the traffic, I'll chase the elusive wind called you

This is me,
But the truth is-  
There's much more beneath the surface

I'm not talking 'bout the bones
Or the flesh beneath my skin,

If you look into my mind,
You'll see a portrait from within.

My eyes are two glass windows
Smeared with colour stains,

There's an endless rush of brightness
Always pulsing through my veins

I feel hope among the stars-
Cosmic blossoms of the dark,

I don't always find my way
On the journeys I embark

I am at a crossroads
Now knowing where to go,

But I've ways stood up straight,
Despite carrying cargo.

My face is not my only worth,
See the truth:
This is me.

Response to  @writing.prompt.s
Submission Piece "The First Time"

If I could go back & meet you for the first time would I?

Would I?
Would I walk away?
Would you pull me to stay?
- like you did the first time?
Because

The First time
We vibed, i tried
Hard
Not to be awkward.
Cause i talk too much
& i'm not heard or seem small
When I stand tall
& show no feelings at all
Because it was the first time

The First time
We lied
Too
Close together
I debated whether
To throw *** or make this last
Not go so fast
But we moved slow
Enough
To go with the flow
Because it was the first time

The First time
I cried, you wiped
Tears
From my eyes, then smiled
To say we'd grow old & gray
Before walking away
You just couldn't stay
Because it was the first time


The First Time
Since we intertwined
With feelings we hide
There was a decline
In the connection
We had
Ignoring red flags
Just tryna get back
To the first time

So Would I?
Could I?
Should I?

Meet you again like
the first time
Cause I
never meant to stay
I
Should've walked away
The First Time.

5:06 PM

#TheHIMCollection

Some things I cannot get over
I think I have finally had enough
Cruel time crawls steadily forward
Try to take a step but I am stuck

Know it will be worth it
Pain that comes with change
Happiness can be attained if I
Let go of fear, turn the page