Being a person who strives and desires and pines after and craves nothing but human connection, it can feel incredibly disheartening not to recieve it from somebody. I want but one thing? I feel disappointed. I feel ripped off. I feel like it may be my fault. Had I not opened the doors? Had I kept my own closed?
At this point I know connection is somewhat out of my hands. There’s nothing I can do to force connection. In fact, if I feel it must be forced or coaxed or manipulated, I know deep down it’s not meant to happen in the first place.
To want but one thing but that thing being so full of magnitude and unspoken rights and perfection and timing and alignment, it hurts me. I’ve set myself up for disappointment. In the same breath I refuse to let go of this deep thirst or hunger. At times I feel it’s a dehydration. It’s hard. But when I am met with Nature’s graces and she places people and creatures and spirits in front of me, along with our mutual understanding that us together carry the indescribable gift of true understanding. To our cores.. Connection
Diary entry, I guess
