Drawing my hands through the soft, wet flesh of the Earth.
I know already
It will emerge no chalice.

Cowards will bother,
they will force what isn't there.
They will plead something from nothing.
They will praise their hands.

The Earth is something I repeat,
Dipping hand into water, pressing pedal tenderly.
I wipe my brow like a farmer, returning sweat to the land.

Why are things never enough?
I see the form in the form I'm given.

pleasure was on your mind,
you knew what you were doing.
no respect for anyone,
my lover you were *******.

how did it feel?
was it worth my pain?
do you regret it now?
are you going insane?

i hope you really comprehend,
what it is you did.
you lied to to my face you know,
and when we spoke it is you who hid.

goodbye phony,
have a mediocre life.
**** with people's lovers,
never forget our strife.

I outfitted my worn-out clothes
Then in the far mirror, I see myself
I look behind the old me
Look pass the masked he wears,
Staring…  

After what seems like a few seconds,
I finally asked him;

“Have I neglected you?”

He didn’t answer…
A single tear fell in his left eye
And then I understood…

“I am sorry, I let you stay behind
masked for too long
muffled you for quite some time.
We all know society is cruel place to be.
We need to be strong and I needed to be stronger.
It was for our sake.
But then it was just me being a coward
                            - afraid to faced reality.

Now look at us, we’re both crying for the decisions
we’ve made long ago. It was not your fault,
I’m to blame with all of this crap.
I made you do it, I convinced you with my
Fears. And I am truly sorry for that.”

I break down into sobs. He simply hugs me, not saying anything.
Then he fades away.

I dried away the tears I shed
And found something,
     a feeling I never knew he give.
I found forgiveness.
I was able to forgive myself
From the things I did.
To stay past the past mistake,
To face the new kinda old me…

Then I realized;
It is important to forgive yourself
To be able to move forward.





written 09/27/2014
*© Pax

He tells her he loves her
and hes telling the truth?
how does she know its true?
when he tells her shes stupid?
when he puts the bruises reminding her of that night?
when he screams in her face?
when he pushes her against the wall with the gun to her head
seconds from killing her?
when she cries at night and he tells her to shut up?
No
That is not love
Love is not cowardness
HE is cowardness
and THATS the truth..

The tide glides in
Like silk to my skin
And I long
To veil my body
With the sensation.
Stretch out
Face down
And let it pull me
To it's ground.  
But I am a coward
And watch
As the water recedes.
"Please,
Wait for me".