Most everything we did, we did too many times to count.
The kisses hello and kisses goodnight,
all-consuming hugs and kicks under the table.
The side glances you'd give me,
with that half smile
in response to a joke that was not good
and was probably mine.

I told you I loved you too many times to count.
All the nights out and all the nights in
under covers with a movie we would give up on
because I was asleep in your arms,
on your shoulder,
too many times to count.

You pressed your nose against mine too many times to count
so close that I'd look with only one eye at a time
and try to memorize your face
smiling in response to that very special smile you saved
for only when we were nose to nose
then wait not so patiently for you to kiss me.

I wish I had a tally
of all these nice things and nice words
to wrap up into nice memories
I could keep and count for years to come.
But I regret much more not counting the other things
of the not so nice nature
important things
that needed to be counted
and were not.

Like all those times you made me cry
for equally uncountable reasons,
reasons I can't remember clearly
but at the time sent a chill through my heart
ran through my nerves
got caught in a cold breath
so that I felt the absence of your love
the emptiness of where you told me it was.
I felt that hole too many times to count.

You left me for more interesting things too many times to count
so that I felt so alone
even though I was with you
disappointed that you had disappointed once again.
You, being you,
and me, being me,
being not each other and not close either
then crying again
realizing we would never be.

We went to bed angry too many times to count
and woke up forgetful every time after
because our problems could not be fixed
and we knew it would do us no good to look at them.

I thought about breaking up too many times to count
and clearly you did too,
because I can count the number of times we did, once.
Still, you broke my heart too many times to count
before, during, after our relationship,
picking up the pieces, the uncountable number of pieces,
and piecing myself back together
on just another occasion I would not bother counting.

I loved you in spite of everything too many times to count
Let my heart burn with quiet hope
hoping everything would be okay
even though it was never okay
and my heart was already cooked black
yet still, I could probably start counting now.

If only I had counted
then I would know how much I don't need you
then I would have some grand sum as proof
then I wouldn't have to count now

count the tears I still cry
count the nights I can't sleep
count the drinks I don't count to drink more

My heart falls silent after a fit of anguish and pain and desperation
watching the gears in my brain snap with the
incompatibility of reality and my now silent heart
Fallen flat. too tired to get back up

I text my girl,
She leaves me on read,
Then she says she's tired,
And I say I'm dead,
Then she asks why,
And I say because,
I'm not getting kisses,
And I'm not getting hugs,
And I don't know,
The next time I'll see you,
So I'll sleep and I'll sleep,
Until I've received my cue,
To come on over,
Or she comes to me,
I have to have hope,
I have to believe,
That this girl won't leave,
I really hope she'll stay,
Cause if she ever left,
I'd have one more day,
To figure out,
How I'm going to die,
Then **** myself,
Cause ***** being alive,
If I have to live,
Without my girl,
My sweet sweet baby,
My entire world,
My entire universe,
The planets the stars,
The slowest of snails,
The fastest of cars,
Literally,
My everything,
Makes me want,
To rap and sing,
And write about,
Her pretty face,
Her perfect ***,
Her sweet embrace,
I miss it so,
I'll go to sleep,
I may wake up,
From this long dream,
Then I'll go back,
To counting sheep,
Missing her back,
To counting sheep.

How long is one day?
Some say it's a day
others say it's a day
with a night but one
is yet to figure it out.

Every day the sun sets
precisely at the end.
Only to rise new again
at the end of the night!
A day is never enough
to count a day.

That is what they say... as if it is something funny
But why do I feel this pain of longing for their company?

There were a total of seven of us... And two of them passed away

"They don't count, they were just tissues and organs that didn't make out in time."

MY FORGOTTEN DEAD OLDER BROTHER AND SISTER WERE ALIVE!!! BUT YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE THEY NEVER EXISTED!!!!

DON'T DISCARD THE REALITY OF THEIR BIRTH!!! They took just as much force and care just like the rest of us!!!

Steven... You were the original first born... you died from stress and an aching heart of my mother

Bethany... You died out of determination and demand to pick up something that was over the weight

There are days where I wonder why the Lord couldn't have made you guys live... a life with me...

He has his reasons... what matter is that I will see you in heaven someday... I will finally get to meet you and see you face to face

Count

Count the seconds you hold your breath when her name is mentioned

Count the seconds between i love you and i want to leave

Count the seconds from when the tub filled up to when your brain began to go fuzzy

Count the seconds until you forget what number even comes after one

Count the seconds until they shift into hours or days or years of wasted time

Count the seconds until  you run out of time left to count

Count

Because it's the only thing you have left anymore