I feel warm
I feel dizzy
I feel sad

Oh my bad
I got too drunk
Decided no more junk

I feel me
I feel clear
I feel calm

You all did me wrong
Now i see
You don't deserve me

I feel tired
I feel dry
I feel sure

*******, sir
Being upset at me
When i finally spoke honestly

I feel closer to a confident me

she was art 
she was the part 
that no one could account for
greatness in her contour 
creativity seeping from out of her pores 
dripping onto floors 
like wet paint 
she ain’t 
ordinary 
every bit of her 
extraordinary 
and she wore it very coronary
as if it were a crown 
and if you were to look down 
on her head 
what she said 
was more than remarkable
the fire she kept 
inside her re spark-able
like a fuse 
she is everyone’s muse 
truly an inspiration 
a beautiful creation 
freckles aligned on her face
like constellations
refusing to be complacent
adjacent from
a galaxy that glistens
driven by ambition 
as she paints herself with liquin
colors vibrated against her skin 
you can hear them closely,
if you listen
you could hear them as she spoke
her breath strokes like brush strokes 
ever so soft and subtle 
her palette slightly muddled 
as oranges and blues cuddle
leaving dull minds fuddled 
nothing can suddle such a divine mechanism
but her scheme vibrant with rhythm 
seeing the world in her vision 
through her own prism
consuming herself in the bristles 
she is blissful
every curl in her hair wistful
as every lock wrapped around
one another twistful
she was sublime
as she saw herself as redefined
soaking herself in turpentine
painting a new path
like a phoenix, she arose
from the ash
bouncing back
like stretched canvas
she grabbed in a hand, with
gesso in the other
making her slate blank
to enjoy different palettes
and different paints
an artist 
unable to part with 
success

Spent so much of this life
Letting my heart lead me astray
Following girls that never really
wanted me.
That's okay
It's alright
I spent too many nights
Questioning my self-worth
I spent too many nights
Despising the way I look, I talk
I ripped myself from the inside out
And there's nothing anybody could
Say to me now, That I haven't said to myself.

Wasted a decade
Putting myself down
Put a stop to that now
I'm lighting up
Starting to see the beauty
Beneath these scars
Strong mind, Strengthened heart
Courage comes from the depths of my soul
Not gonna end up trapped in another hole
I got all my cards and I won't fold

Twenty eighteen
Is the year
I turned this life around
Dropped the baggage
Weighing me down
Now I'm floating towards the stars
Light as a feather
All those storms I've weathered
Nothing but past memories
Trapped in the back of my head
Where they can fade and be erased
To make way for new images that fill my eyes
And be captured in this brand new state of mind

This is a new sunrise
Yeah this is a new dawn
A new decade
To take back control
Of this runaway train
Not a train wreck, just yet
Now that I'm back behind the wheel
Starting to get a grip
Get back that natural feel
The way I used to be
I'm still a fighter
Now that I'm out of the trenches
Got all these pains on the back foot
I can breathe, just look

Wasted a decade
Putting myself down
Put a stop to that now
I'm lighting up
Starting to see the beauty
Beneath these scars
Strong mind, Strengthened heart
Courage comes from the depths of my soul
Not gonna end up trapped in another hole
I got all my cards and I won't fold

Twenty eighteen
Is the year
I turned this life around
Dropped the baggage
Weighing me down
Now I'm floating towards the stars
Light as a feather
All those storms I've weathered
Nothing but past memories
Trapped in the back of my head
Where they can fade and be erased
To make way for new images that fill my eyes
And be captured in this brand new state of mind

Stains covered my face
At the end
All these blood-stained sheets
That was used in the cleansing
Of my skin
Now I'm feeling free
Felt good letting go of the heavy load
Been carrying all these regrets and thoughts
For far too long
Never felt better to say, So long, So long
The relief you feel when it's all gone

Wasted a decade
Putting myself down
Put a stop to that now
I'm lighting up
Starting to see the beauty
Beneath these scars
Strong mind, Strengthened heart
Courage comes from the depths of my soul
Not gonna end up trapped in another hole
I got all my cards and I won't fold

Twenty eighteen
Is the year
I turned this life around
Dropped the baggage
Weighing me down
Now I'm floating towards the stars
Light as a feather
All those storms I've weathered
Nothing but past memories
Trapped in the back of my head
Where they can fade and be erased
To make way for new images that fill my eyes
And be captured in this brand new state of mind

©2018 Written By Benji James

This moment
Too bold to put in words
Too stunning to be confined in a photo frame

so I tattooed it on my heart
imprinted it on my bones
feel it flow in my blood

I grab it tight
hold it close

I did not let go
even when I reach the end of the fall
and my body breaks into a million stones

There's a time where all I wanted to do was blend in
Then I realise being different gives me such thrill
I embraced it
Then all i wanted to do was stand out

don't treat me
as if i'm fragile
because i might
seem quiet and shy
but i've got opinions
that are so strong
that they want
to break
through

opinions that want
me to tell you
to stop
being a
hypocrite

opinions that
make me boil
because you
won't ever
understand how
it feels to be
shut down

opinions that know
what i am
is not an option
but it's what
i've become
and what i've
accepted

opinions that
you have of me,
that i'm not
confident or
pretty

here's my opinion:
i'm confident that
you don't know me

i'm confident that i
don't need your
retorts in my life

i'm confident that
the words you
say that might
even hurt,
mean nothing
to me

and i'm
confident
that i won't
ever let it
effect me
again

i feel pretty in
the clothes i wear,
i don't need your
comment on them

i feel pretty with my
hair like this,
my shoes like that,
with my eyes on my
book because
truth be told,
it's way more
interesting than you

so wash my name
out of your mouth
because you say
i'm fragile and
oh so weak

so what if i am?

why do you care?