#compulsive poems on Hello Poetry

Sarah Elaine Dec 2018

thinking

If only I could keep it locked outside of me
If only it could cease to exist
If only I didn't have to scratch that
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
itch

If only I could swallow it
Dissolve it in my stomach
If only I could
KNOW for sure if I would or wouldn't

It is like an earwig
Creeping through my brain
I know my actions fuel it
But, oh, it drives me insane

If only I had control
If only I could see
That control is the only thing
That gives it power over me

#ocd #pure #o #obsessive #compulsive #disorder

Sylph Nov 2018

I just dont know..

I dont know what to do
I try to love
But all i do is hurt
I care
But i guess just not enough
I try to be me
But i dont know who that is anymore

I cry every week now
Almost everyday
All i feel is guilt
I told im a "Compulsive liar"
But i dont know if these lies are white anymore
I think they have turned back to red
The color of the blood that leaks every time
They found out it was a lie
I just dont know what to

How does anyone love me?
When im what i am now?
How?
I cant love me
How do they?
What do they see thats so pure?
So bright?

...Every time i cry
I hurt someone else
Just in their worry
And concern for me
They feel my pain
As the first tear trails
They just hug me and cry with me
..I dont want anyone to be in pain because of me..

I feel like a monster

I gotta be honest sometimes i feel so sefl centered only concerning with myself when others that i love are being hurt by me and all i think about is myself...
I dont like who i am anymore
I Really feel like a monster

#monster #compulsive #liar #cry #selfish #pain #depressed #sad

John-Paul Richard Oct 2018

Untitled

I resent many of my own works,
And I resent who wrote them.

But It’s what I feel and my hand writes,
As a suicidal turtle,
Though may place his head underneath an elephant’s foot,
Cannot stop himself from pulling back under his shell.

#turtle #suicidal #resent #writing #hate #inadvertent #compulsive

Nick Stiltner May 2018

Pocket Watch

I keep a pocket watch,
meticulously polished
and
insistently checked,
in my left breast pocket.

There it lives
on it ticks,
the soft clicks a reminder
of its continuous ticking
lasting far past the heart
that beats just below.

Toxically clean,
a faint scent of acetone drifts
on the wind as I walk pass,
head down and in a hurry.

I retreat quietly, gripping
the watch I rub in circles,
counter clockwise and
in compulsion,
an absent minded fidget
that helps panicked time pass,
it’s melodic clicks a
centering metronome.

#time #watch #compulsive

Salmabanu Hatim May 2018

Liar Liar Liar

He was a compulsive liar,
A cunning spider,
That spun silken webs of lies,
People were drawn into it like flies.
With his skills and uncanny ways,
He finally had his says,
He spat easily poisonous deceits,
That made you clench your fists.
He was charming and charismatic,
In weaving lies artistic.
For him lying had become a ritual,
Sort of habitual.
His descent was gradual,
Down to nothing from a pedestal.
He lost people's trust and credibility.
He was known for dishonesty,
As such he stained his name in society.
He was scoffed,"There goes liar,liar."
At first he excused his lies were misinterpretations,
Or may be miscommunications.
His lies ruined his friend's life,
He lost the trust of his family,son and wife.
He realised when he had lied,
He had committed suicide.
He had burnt all his bridges,
He had dug his own ditches.
To have his life back,
He had to stop lying and bring everything on track.

#liar #compulsive #spin #trust #respect

Sole Apr 2018

Cassiopeia's Throne

She woke up sick.
Her wooden limbs drenched with bound torment.
Her eyes merely mirrors of dubiety, marked by soft insecurity encased.
Her skin now bleached.
Her mind framed by Cassiopeia.

Contrails of vanity laced with discontent on her skin
An evanescence of admirers taunts her,
Yet only if her veil is worn too thin.
She knows.
Only an ethereal countenance will please them.

Obsession linked by 4 shattering chains,
5 imaginary bonds.
Unbeknownst to her, imaginary until she
Boasts of her infatuation.
Her lips are thin.

Then her bones sag heavy
Still sat on her mordant throne.
She is once again asleep.
Appeased by dreamy seas
littered with artificial palm leaves.

#cassiopeia #greek #goddess #mythology #obsession #insecure #perfection #compulsive

Akira Feb 2018

OCD

When I was thirteen,
I was anxious about my obsessive rituals,
Didn't expect that it was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
And once you have it, it will never leave you.
Even at night, when I go to bed.
My mind drowns in waves of questions.
Have I washed my hands?
Are these plates clean enough?
Did I close the door?
Have I drank enough water?
It was hard for me,
The repetitions,
The struggle of everything turning into endless cycles

When I was fourteen, I said,
"Mom? I'm having these kind of rituals."
I said, "Mom? Am I getting better?"
Well, mom thinks it's normal. But it's not.
Well, I feel something bad and I feel that the world was against me, that the rituals were indeed sempiternal.

When I was fifteen,
My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder had completely risen up to another level.
I feel anxious, I feel bad, I feel that I am slowly sinking into an ocean filled with unspoken mysteries.
And every time, I try not to listen to those voices, those voices seem unable for me to conquer, those voices become higher than my power.

So when I turned sixteen,
I wished the life of a genuinely normal teen.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is like a spell, a lifetime spell.
A spell that covers me, that controls me,
a spell with ***** hands that touch my soul.
And yet people think I'm crazy, I'm insane, that I'm hopeless, but the truth is I need help. I need people to stop the judgements and please understand my condition.

#ocd #mental #struggles #aging #questions #rituals #condition #obsessive #compulsive #disorder

matthew scott harris Nov 2017

Galley slave to obsessive compulsive behavior

prior to passing thru ******, buck naked bare
this grandson of Aaron, the sole heir –
   foreshortened to Sol Aire
evinced (as shown via ultra sound),

   which at birth became crystal clear,
   an obsessive compulsive prone
   human being, endear
ringly cute as a baby monkey possessed fear
some countenance tipping the scales needled gear

greater or lesser than seven pounds
   (minus or plus a few ounces)
   with a mass of dreaklocked hair,
otherwise a gangly sack of many a lovely bone,
   whereat obstetricians
   could not help himself but jeer

thus upon exiting birth cana;
   found him twirling loose
   ***** follicular fibers accord
ding to medical records,
   a combination of his being bored

(with a really lee super strong arm penchant)
   to sport dreadlocks, tough as hemp cord
an anomaly, which no app could com pare,
   boot nonetheless highly adored

resembling inimitable indestructible filaments,
   when taut could lift off the ground a board
dillow, which no reference manual could address
even topnotch experts queried, could not explain

   outrageous constituent rare
lee if never seen before, though still insured,
a novel boot nada so critical freak of nature ma lord
hirsute component part in a triple tier moored
substantial pressure upon the head,

entwining, looping, spilling somehow
   interweaving umbilical cord
into a mass of whirled wide webbed wear suitable for
four seasons, which bamboozled,

grew like Kudzu into
   an immense globular mass galore
('bout the size of Rhose Island) after one year ****
more, and wove in part from stem cell threads, nor
ceased proliferating after birth placenta
   accrued intact and immediately put in cold store

room, a by very peculiar product
   tinged with strands of blond hair
evoking how lioness would  roar
coccooning, contriving,
   and conveying this tiny dude

   into a self concocted
   hermetically sealed giant spore
miniature mummy, who without doubt
   looked like a lady bug hide entombment
   able to survive thermonuclear war
   as a minor subsequent repercussion

the downy side understood, impeterable forest
filched countless growing years, without jest
ting, when figurative messed
hair em scare em bedlam reigned as a supreme nest
sans shrieking obsessed invisible hoodlums
   broke free their electric kool aid acid test

from maximum security solitary confinement in vest
ment for naught (busting andirons weighing down
  with reinforced steel trapdoor cladding
   didst not bar compulsive
   banshee like imps of thee pervert,
   but merely slow down

   miniscule limbs emulated a hitch hiker thumb
   upon will could assume the Alaska Bull Worm sized
   Albatross shaped achorage)
unsinkable (short term)
   screaming, rebelling, quaking,
atomic sized banshee beastie boys
   et cetera with fiery zest.

#compulsive #obsession #poetic #attempt #that #went #awry

Mandy Arc Nov 2017

bleeding

My soul seeps onto clothing
The blood is muddy, murky, gross
So much passion
That you could say it even seeps through my skin
My wrists
My heart
My mind
The words i say to myself are sharp
A blade and cut to the touch
I hope that one day i will see
That i am just enough
The atmosphere around me’s cloudy
The wind is brisk and sharp
And i am all alone
And screaming in the dark

I don't believe in the never ending consequences
I don't believe in the depth
I don't believe in the endless sinking
Of all that is ruined and wrecked
The seams have come undone
And i break and tear to ends
I don't feel whole
For i am a scattered mess

A mess with no starting point and no ending point to foresee
You can’t overlook the thought of me for i am all but unseen
I am alive in a fragile state
A moth caught by its wing
I hope to be okay with me
And all i have to bring
But the bag of tricks that are up my sleeves
are emptying by dusk
But i want to show everyone
That i am just enough
The sappy story of what i entail
Is one i hate to bring
But i have nothing more to offer
Than what i can already sing
I hope to prove to someone
To anyone at that
To even just myself
That i am all i have

#depression #anxiety #ocd #obsessive #compulsive #disorder #self #harm #coping #poetry