What, me Normal?

I hear this and wonder

I want my normal back

Have your heard it

Normal is personal
I want it back
Normal is comfortable
I want it back
Normal is safe, at least my normal is
I want it back
Normal is filled with my energy
I want it back

I don’t want your normal
I want mine...!

Brian Hill - 2019 #

Absolute bliss
Sinking deep into the blankets
Sighing into the pillows
After a long, stressful day.

I've lived in the outskirts all my life
I've met in the outskirts my friends and my wife
I've built in the outskirts a comfortable hive
I'll make in the outskirts my kids, four or five
I've been here in outskirts both night and day
I went to school, college, work in the same place
I've never been made aware of any other way
Than the one I've been using in outsirkts again and again
The outskirts are comfortable, the outskirts are safe
Nothing's ever going down there, neither good nor bad
There is no grand ambition behind its bland face
No life goals or life to love behind its made bed
In outskirts I've lived, loved, ate, ******, slept, dreamt, hated, berated, been bored and amused, adored and abused, depleted, exhausted, destroyed and rebuilt, encouraged and spewed, all encompassing comfort of life's dullest views
The outskirts are comfortable, they are always secure
In outskirts I've lived my whole life and more
All outskirts look the same, but mine is the best
For my outskirts is where my humble home stands

maybe at the age of 42 i can understand humans. just maybe i actually accepted endless reasons for certain human trauma we all engage in. it had no logic that behaviour should be steered from behind the cloud of the doubt, but still, it was. for so long trapping attention to do useless automated actions was the dominion of some kind. nobody gets to be comfortable with it. they all learn to lean on tricks and within the trickery importance leaves. forget about endless efforts and ride - they have said. i couldn't. intention is my ride. or, was. i have lost some of it, so now i understand difficulties better. it feels so alone, but peaceful once i got through the fear. i can understand how and why they achieve the goals, and it is not on the bright side. on the sunny side, not being comfortable is manageable by being certain in just one thing, time is everything and it is always now.

"To fit in" used to be the definition of comfortable to me.
"To fit in" meant that people won't judge you.
"To fit in" means being accepted.
Why not blend in with the crowd?
Following the rules is relaxation to the mind.
Your choices are already made for you.
But yet I had to find myself in order to be happy.
I had to stop living up to people's expectations.
I had to stop being something I'm not.
I had to be Creative.
Original.
Courageous.
I have to be Different for the sake of my Happiness.