I don't believe in closure
I can't tell if it's the honey soaked rose that I have for a heart
and I can't tell if I'm in more pain because of it

I didn't stop loving you
I can't slam the door shut
Not when you've made a home in the empty space of my mind

I don't mind the occasional visit
I stop in, look around to make sure you're still there

And, oh, you're still there

you're there in the late night drives holding hands
you linger in the smell of cigarette smoke and the taste of menthol
you crawl in the empty space in my bed at night
and you sometimes even lay your head on my heart, pressing down into my chest

But that's all it is
An occasional visit in your apartment in my mind
We never exchange words or ideas or kisses

I didn't stop loving you
But my love changed

My love for you was once deafening
So loud it pounds on your eardrums and rattles your ribcage
When you left it just made my hearing foggy and distant
You understand that I had to turn it down, don't you?

My love for you was once consuming
The kind that rolls over you like a wave and leaves you breathless
When you left I drowned in its gluttony
You understand that I had to starve it, don't you?

My love for you was once white hot
Heat waves radiated out of my chest and my toes were never cold
When you left it ignited and I was engulfed in flames
Reaching out of the inferno, my seared fingertips replaced your love with a flickering candle
You understand that, don't you?

I didn't stop loving you
My love transformed
I transformed to survive my love

Because amidst my grief
I yelled over the music
I clawed out of the riptide
I dragged myself out of the burning building

the burning home

I don't believe in closure because I didn't stop loving you
and my love didn't evolve

I did.

Covering my battered soul with a grin,
And I carry my longing to meet you soon in my spirits,
Maybe you'd heal my scars with your touch,
No, the timing have to match,
Yes, I have to wait,
If it means confronting the bruises on my body of someone's hate,
You will come won't you?
It's the least thing I expect life to do,
Granting the exemption,
To reach the day of explanation,
Yet here I wait for my closure,
What's that you ask?
My death, My life's dusk.

That’s not the point, though.
I might be too good for her.
I might deserve better.
I might finally get closure.
But you don’t understand.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
There is just so much hurt.

These love songs sound like subtle insults
And gentle footsteps became grumble
As we both left the house and didn't close the door
Left my keys at the goodbye, it wasn't here before
Sometimes, we reluctantly make way for what is inevitable
I laugh at the thought, but the regrets aren't laughable
Our story isn't one for the books, but stand-up comedy
I laugh at the thought, but losing you isn't laughable

We are almost lovers, our vibes nearly in harmony
Time was something we wished we kept in a jar
If young promises are tomorrow vows in ceremony,
Then why do I keep watching you two from afar?
These pews looked like tall walls of maturity
Keeping me away from the temptation to intervene
I promised to not let go, let it flow, desperately
But why today is what we could've been?
I forgive you and myself for everything
This is the ending, a closure, faded old picture
I know we could've been something
But I know today is a farewell to treasure

I don’t know why I miss you
It’s truly a mystery to me
But seeing your face,
Hearing your laugh,
Brought back some feelings anew.

When you told me you thought I was fine
That eventually I had no tears to shed
You didn’t know the pain I felt
In my heart and in my head.

And how could you know?
It’s not like you were there.
But every time I saw your face,
I was filled with despair.

You said, you thought I was happy,
That I was over you,
Done.
But that day you saw me smiling
At night all my feeling were piling
Up in my heart and it felt like I couldn’t...
Like I couldn’t even breath,
Laugh,
Sing.

And now I’m here,
Years later.
A new person,
A proud person.
And you...
More poised
Happy
Content.
But what’s funny is all the ways we stay the same.

I’m thankful for the time we spent
A chapter that finally feels closed.
You were once my moon
My stars.
And you still shine brightly
You’ll never completely fade,
But now our lives can see brighter days.

I’ll never forget the love we shared.
You were my first.
You taught me lessons,
And somehow you still do,
That I can use in my new adventures.
And though you may be gone,
Though we may not speak as much again
You will always
Forever
Perpetually
Be my friend.