What If?
Brian never thought he would work in a call centre
When he lived in Germany he was unemployed
And while looking for a job he was forced to go
Work in a call centre and refused creating a fuss
I’m not selling insurance or loft insulation!
Put me on fork lift truck training it’s my job
Not some **** call centre 2 towns away

The stupid ***** running the training place
Offered to buy Brian a bicycle and he laughed!
You silly ******* cow retrain me on fork lifts
I need to renew my outdated licence
Not work taking calls like a fool robot
Half a decade passed and Brian
Ate his words working in a call centre!

Your hands felt like sandpaper
Against the softness
Of my skin
But I convinced myself
That the discomfort
And your pitiful displays
Of love and affection
We’re better than nothing -
Better than the emptiness I felt
Whenever I was alone.
But while I was telling myself
That I loved you
And we could last forever,
You were using those rough hands
To smooth out the edges
That you decided were too sharp.
You attempted to mold
And shape me
Into someone that
I no longer recognized
And disliked more
Than the girl I was before.
The worst part
Was that I allowed it to happen.
I played my part,
Letting your cruel touch
And all the lies,
That you always spoke,
Melt me.
Turning me into the putty
You played with
And stretched way too thin.
But you slipped up,
And exposed the skeletons
You kept hidden away.
I finally came to my senses,
Opening my eyes to the blinding truth
Of who you are
And what I have allowed you
To do to my life
And to my soul.
I was gone,
Before you even knew
What was happening.
I stripped every aspect of you
Out of my life
And washed myself clean,
Scrubbing the memory of your touch
Off of my skin.
I have repaired
Every piece of myself
That you tore down
And sharpened all my edges
And I have never shed
A single tear
To mourn the loss of you.
Because by losing you,
I found something
So much better.
I found myself,
And she’s so much more beautiful
And amazing
Than I ever thought possible.

You can do this
not because, you are able
nor because you are strong
because without this
you remain the same
and this,
gives you permission
for change
to become the new you
everyday

I have shed
My shattered armor
And cast aside
My fractured shield.
Both became burdens
Too heavy for me to carry.
Instead of hiding away
From the darkness
And the turmoil of the world,
I have pulled the sword
From the stone
And I have mastered
My own form of magic.
Now I wield both,
To slay the real monsters
And befriend my dragons.
I am the damsel
Who saved herself.
I am the queen
Who knows her worth.
I am my own fairytale
And happy ever after.

Now they are all wondering
If, this time, I will reform
Or return to stumbling
Through life as if it’s a chore.

I hope I’ll be different,
To be rose-tinted, lovely.
I’ll reclaim lost innocence,
Locked, a key fitting snugly.

This, for love with conditions,
All this, to just make them proud.
I’m the newest edition,
Won’t you believe in me now?

the rain will stop someday,
although there might be floods,
that subsequent collateral damage
that lives in all of us.
and all that we've survived
persists in deserts, running dry;
some water could be what we need
to bring them back to life.
it's hard to turn the page
just as it's hard to start anew,
and every time someone says "no"
we still hear "not for you".
but when the currents change
their flow will wash away the pain.
although there might be floods,
the rain must surely stop someday.

We used to talk about
going
to Montana--escaping it all,
building a log cabin and
making a garden.  We were
going to hunt and fish for
food--make rugs and
hats from the fur.

But look at us now.
You live in the
city and drive a Volvo.
Goldfish in a glass bowl.
You even taught your
cat to walk on
a leash.
Can you see the
sky with all the smog?

I'm not any better.
Living under the bridge;
the only hunting I do is
for cans, the rare and
illusive
aluminum nickel, so that
I can buy *****.  

I walk down to the
river's edge and look up at
the expansive sky.
I close my eyes.
And when I open them, baby,
we're in Montana.