To the necklace you gave me

You are supposed to be locked up
In the box you came in
In the back of my drawer
But you're not
And you know that
Because you fall perfectly around my neck
Laying softly on my chest
During day and night you're there

And if they look closely
They might see you
But you're hidden
Under t-shirts and sweaters
By my hand if I'm nervous
Because it makes me feel better
Holding you, brings me closer to him
Like I'm holding the last string

They might think I'm stupid for still wearing you
But what you don't see can't hurt you

I have measured out my life with
the sadness I felt with every
One of your lying looks, your deceitful eyes that
Tell me the truth while you say you “love me”.

I have lived out my life hoping
that you could come around, whispering
Honeyed promises that I wish I could believe
But you’ve left me, and every moment of my life
Is now measured with the memory of you.

I unblocked you today,
But I didn't know what to say.
You left me 1 year ago
But always on my mind though.
I want to reach out and call
Would that be talking to a wall?
In a moment of weakness
I did what anyone might guess.
I unblocked you today,
But I didn't know what to say.

I guess I missed the emptiness you left behind,
how it felt like it was everything that mattered;
that soul-crushing, heart-wrenching weight.

I was terrified of letting go of what remained—
the sadness that slowly cracked me open;
because I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of not feeling.
I’m afraid of being happy again.
I’m afraid to forget.

I was desperate to hold onto a piece of you,
so I clung to these memories instead,
because we all know the painful ones
are so much easier to keep.

I heard you went to Harvard
So you must be pretty smart-

The book-kind of smart anyway.

I can tell you that I never saw it coming—

That post-it-note break-up
placed on our bed
for me to find
after years of looking after you.

I’m not bitter though.
Actually wanted to thank you-

For sparing me the endless stream of dull conversations I’m certain you still have about books you’ve read and of theoretical science.


Because of you, I got to write my own new adventure to faraway lands, dirt in my hands and camel bells made out of tortoise shells clanging in the desert.

So thank you for being smart enough to set me free with your post-it note.

I'm not sure if it's braver
to stay
or to go
I'm afraid either way
and I just don't know
luckily I don't have to decide
tonight

to be loved by you
is to be noticed, cared for
to feel warm and secure
laughing endlessly
little sly smirks and soft caresses
the way you look at me
I will never forget what it was like
to have been loved by you

maybe the worst part is
that I've let them all down again
my cat sits patiently by the door
waiting for you to walk through it
my mother beamed and gushed
about how happy she was for me,
"Finally!"
maybe we got too ahead of ourselves
and believed in each other too much
taking the world with us on the way up
and then too when we came crashing down