Making love to you feels like you shot me in the throat,
That bulletproof glass broke,
You shot right through as if it was easy to you.
You said you love me and you showed me the proof,
All that's left is to just satisfy you.

You gently lay down the sword of rights,
And a candle lights.
You break the shield that protects,
And you connect.
The words you say are now love letters written in red,
And all the lies from the past are dead.
For when you meet the one for you,
Its like you've become new.
You may always share those special glances,
No there are no second chances,
So this one you better tie down like your shoes.
You might get some bumps and bruises,
And everything may always be imperfectly perfect,
But remember the truth,
I will always love you.

"I love you, a lot.
        Don't break my heart, please.
                It ***** when people do that to you.
                        I did it to someone else to be with you so
                please don't do it to me because
        that'd ****, a lot, because
I love you."



It’s a two-way street, love.
        I won’t break your heart if
                you promise not to break mine.
                        You see, I’ve broken and been broken, so
                I know. But how you came is
        how you’ll go, so excuse me
for being cautious.

It's been...
Almost a month. To the day.

I've given it up. I can't do anything.

It feels like I lost him, like he's dead, gone, non-existent. And I can't bring him back because I don't have the power to do that. I'm not capable of resurrection.

There's only one who can do that. It's in His hands. If He wants to bring my love back from the dead and back to me, then He will.

Otherwise, I move on.
I go forward.

it is difficult
to find the right words
when you don't want to be with somebody
and yet
when you envision them with another
your bones are rattled with urgency;
a feeling that occupies places in your body
you didn't know existed
the type of thing you can't seem to shake off
you feel it under your skin
and then, you are faced with two options:
do you send him away because you don't truly love him?
or do you become selfish
trailing him around like dead weight
knowing full well nothing will become of it
but wanting to drag it out for as long as possible
I looked you in the eye,
felt your hands linger around my neck
and knew in my heart I would only bring you pain as I have others
but foolishly I clung to you like you were gold,
not knowing that once you left
the fools gold I had mistaken you as
would turn out real, promising
now you and I(because there is no "us")
sit amongst mixed company,
you in the back of the blue kia,
I in the passengers
your eyes bore into the back of mine
I look out the window to drown you out
and as you notice my disengagement
you reach your hands to the back of my neck
wanting to make me better again
wanting me to save you from the grasp of my rigid behavior
but how the **** can I save you when you were the one who was going to save me?
don't touch my neck like you never left
don't touch my heart
don't make me shiver under your embrace
because it was you I had to myself
and it was you that I lost

We were on cloud nine,
You called me sunshine,
but that was when
you were mine.

I hope someday you will look back
at everything we had and realize it was beautiful
beautiful until you tore it all up
And regret what you've done
And I hope by then I am no longer chained to this pain called heartbreak and I'm happy without you

it was then that i saw you were gone
that i let you slip through my fingers like sand
and that same sand collected at the bottom of the hour glass
i became mesmerized
obsessed
when would the glass be filled with the gritty substance so i can flip you over
and we can go back to square one
like the strangers we are
and the sand keeps dripping until you come again
because i can pretend that i know you
and that our souls are somehow synced up
but when it's all said and done
and i lie alone on a Friday night
wondering why you haven't materialized in front of my eyes
i know there will be no more visits by my ruin
my ruin
the one who can do no wrong in my eyes
but will leave me with bumps and bruises and aches
my ruin
who left one day and never came back
whose presence was not felt in four months
until now
i haven't felt you calling
since September
something is reaching out to me
calling you to my attention
you need me
or you want to believe you do

this isn't a poem. this isn't some well written piece of literature that will be quoted underneath photos of our depressed youth of America. this is me jotting down my thoughts at 9:26 p.m. i sit in the darkness of my newly decorated room (i needed a change of scenery, so a make over was in place) and i wonder why you don't like me. maybe i'm not specifically upset as to why you aren't interested, but more so why half the guys i pursue look the other way. I'm sitting here, dear reader, and i realize that it isn't the sad songs that make me cry, but instead the dead silence that crowds my empty room. I wonder why you didn't take me when you had the chance, didn't sweep me off my feet. I've annoyed my friends with the constant talking of you, it consumes me. i don't understand why my own two legs are strangers to the rest of my body and why they can't hold me up sometimes. i passed English 1101 with a 99, and yet i can't seem to find the right words to string together and form a sentence to utter out of my mouth. my mouth won't form the right shape to pronounce the few words i can muster. when someone asks me if i'm ok, i cry. I'm in mourning, i hate the snow that packs the sidewalks. you weren't mine and that's hard to process. it's like i have found my soulmate, but my soulmate doesn't return the same affection. sometimes i feel that i am seen as only meat for boys of all ages to circle around and toy with before they viciously devour. I am eye candy, i am known for nothing other than my appearance. when i write, i am my words. today i went to an abandoned house and i felt sadness surround me, along with the scent of musk and moth *****. i bought a goldfish and it died because i over fed it. i care too much about things and they die.