feel the burning in your chest and enjoy it
the pain, the tightness, the lack of air
you deserve to choke on it
now, dont pretend like you care

sinful silly girl when will you learn
you create chaos wherever you go
you can never escape these burns
so dig in deeper, nice and slow

is self harm still self harm if its emotional?
and do you even know why you trigger yourself?
what a dumb baby *****
stop ******* asking for their help

**** in the horrors of your mind
that's it, breathe the hatred into your veins
inject yourself with your own lies
like an ****** addict just numb the pain

Everything I've ever loved
I've gripped by the neck,
feeling the air escape
slowly.

And when they go to eventually leave
I've held on, kicking and screaming
to their pant leg
Demanding an answer to the question of "Why?"
That I really never want to truthfully hear.

It is always: "I don't feel the same."

There’s things In my mind
that I sometimes struggle to find
things like who I really am
if I looked deep inside

These Intrusive thoughts
keep invading my mind,
and they lead me to believe
that everyone will leave me behind

There’s something explosive
inside of my chest
emotions leak out
I can’t keep them suppressed

Can’t tell what is real
I’m so dissociated
it’s like right after something happens
the memory is asphyxiated

I can go from pure joy
To exploding with anger
and its so hard to control
the impulsive behaviors

I have so many conversations
inside of my head
and theres someone inside of me
that says I’m better off dead

By the time I was fourteen
I’d made my first attempt
only a freshmen in high school
yet I was treated with such contempt

Now I’m an adult
and nothings really changed
except for being told
there’s a disorder in my brain

Now I don’t want any attention
but I need some affirmation
does anybody really care
or am I just a mental patient

How do I find the words,
And for them to not burn,
Coming out of my throat,
We've been in this boat,
Time and time again,
And I'm sorry my friend,
But how do I say,
That I don't want to see another day,
Don't want to live through another sunset,
I still don't know how to get,
These words out,
They can't be found,
It's like 404 of the brain,
And I'm just so insane,
At this point from these boys,
Who treat me like a toy,
To be put on a shelf,
Only to enjoy me in good health,
But when I'm not okay,
Well them I'm afraid,
They leave,
They always leave,

And I'm so tired of living every day like I'm okay,
But I just don't know how to tell you, to say,
That I need help, because I can't be hospitalized another time,
But where does that leave me to turn, I need a sign,

But God has definitely abandoned me,
If he was ever there like they say to believe,
Because I've done things, I've seen things,
I've smoked things, I've snorted things,
And at this point, He can't love me,
God knows no man can find a redeemable quality,
To stick around for,
And I know we've been here before,
But I can't seem to be alright,
No matter how hard I fight,
How many times I meditate,
How hard they try to medicate,
These feelings of suicide,
Out of my half-dead hide,
I can't seem to muster the will to live,
And any I used to have has drained out like a sieve,
The years drained out all the good,
Leaving nothing but pieces misunderstood,
And always feeling abandoned,
Dark thoughts like friends in my head,
The only one's who truly know,
How I feel on a daily basis though,

And I'm so tired of living every day like I'm okay,
But I just don't know how to tell you, to say,
That I need help, because I can't be hospitalized another time,
But where does that leave me to turn, I need a sign.

I am a motel.
many have taken refuge within my walls.
I wish that they would take up residency,
        but I am a temporary shelter.
         they do not stay.

I keep them warm and comfortable.
I provide solace when storms become violent.
I want to be their home,
        but I am a temporary shelter.
         they do not stay.

they go into my rooms and they make messes.
they do not clean up after themselves;
they do not see the need to
        because I am a temporary shelter.
         they do not stay.

the time seems to pass quickly.
they check in and say “the place is nice”,
but I soon hear them say that it is time to move on.
they always continue their journeys without me.
         I am a temporary shelter.
          they do not stay.


It is midnight
and I stand alone in the quiet.
the only light illuminating the dark
is the neon sign placed over my door.
it glows faintly.

my rooms are empty;
my beds are made.
there are peppermints on the pillows.

I am a motel.

there is a welcome mat
that is worn and faded
at my front step.

my door is open,
and above it,
my neon sign flickers  


                   vacancy

Please don’t hear
Please don’t listen to me
I’m all that you can now see
A storm in a cup of water
And I have warned you from this
From the day you borrowed me your sweater

Stop taking every word I say
You can’t believe every single sentence I say
I’m sorry for being that way
It will everything turn out to be fine
The suns is still coming the next day

It feels so empty
But I don’t want this to affect you
You are still a teen
You are twenty
I wish my words weren’t so clean

You look quite happy tonight
And I’m once more here again
To destroy it
You are still a teen
And someday you will find someone else
That can give you back love again