i am going to try to articulate.
i am borderline
even more so, a gemini borderline.
if that has anything to do with it
i must have all the attention on me
at least that's what they say
but i think it's true because when you were in my bed
and you left
i said wait
you were not him.
you were someone else
who held my hand
and held me
so i must have all the attention,
again, a gemini.
a flirt,
i cannot control my impulses because of this disease
i thought i was okay
but now i see ill never be better
because i am a liar
and a lover
but not always of one
atleast,
thats what i say.

If I pulled up a chair,
could I sit with myself?

I’m the devil on your shoulder,
The voice inside your head,
You don’t deserve to be happy,
You're better off dead.
No one will miss you when you go,
You're just a burden you know,
You're worthless and pathetic,
You’re so fat and ugly it’s disgusting.
Why don’t you just **** yourself,
‘cause your life isn’t worth living.

You'll never get rid of me,
‘cause I'm everywhere you see,
I'll even haunt you in your sleep.
I'm always gonna be there,
Lurking in the shadows,
I just want to be your friend.

You need me,
I control you,
You have no on but me,
Just do what I say and I promise I'll keep you safe,
What have you got to lose?
You have nothing,
Haha you’re just a waste of space!
Why don’t you just cut yourself,
Go on! Pick up that blade...

He's the devil on my shoulder,
The voice inside my head,
He tells me horrible things,
And says I'm better off dead,
He whispers in my ear,
And follows me everywhere,
Feeding me with empty promises,
He's says he can keep me safe,
He thinks he’s in control
But not anymore,
Because I’m stronger than him,
I won’t let him win.

I sit in a burgundy leather chair at work
Hoping that I don't get fired.
But I tried downloading an unauthorized program onto my computer
And a pop-up with the word *******
Flashed across the screen when I went to check the baseball scores.

Maybe I will forsake this whole ******* life
And run off into a hermitage
Heaping ashes on myself, prostrated before a cheap wax statue.
But on some level what I'm really doing
Is avoiding responsibility.

I'm dreading the drive home, to be honest
Because I know you will greet me with that fiery anger
That paradoxically gives me an *******
But also breaks my heart.

Maybe I can just walk in the door
***** preemptively sealed in a yellowed Mason jar,
And say,

"Just stay right where you are, Steve."
"We don't want any trouble..."

.Borderline.
A single word that can describe everything.
Walking on the edge of two strong realities.
Constantly debating one way or the other.
To live or let die.
A difficult decision that impacts
More than your heavy feet.
All it takes is one slight step.
Then all anxiety can end.
All depression can be in the past.
But it’s not a simple step either.
So many people face these two strong realities daily.
They find themselves,
.Borderline.

I stay close to the words you say
I still never let them ruin my days