You tell me I'm one thing,
But really you're just afraid that I'm something
Undefinable.
You believe everyone is one or the other,
But whats the beauty in that?
Maybe one day I'm
'They'
The next I'm
'She'
Then the day after I'm
'He'
Don't suppress me for being
Everything.
Nothing.
And
Me.

Relieve me from this label,
I cannot belong in this cramped space
That you decide I fit in
I don't understand why anyone would want to be confined
To just one thing.
You tell me I'm this,
Not that.
But why can't I be both?
Or neither?
Why conform?
Why conform when I feel so free just being
Me.

Dress, makeup
Heels, leggings
Feminine

Too-big pants, no makeup
Oversized shirt, men's shoes
Masculine

Regular jeans, little makeup
Sweater, tennis shoes
No gender

Fancy shirt, tie
Skirt, heels
All gender

All these
But I'm
Still me

And that's okay

Stuck
Behind the scenes
Hidden
In the closet
It’s all the same
I’m stuck
No one supports me
The real me
The one I can only show friends
I don’t want to hide it
Not from my family
But I have to
They wouldn’t understand
They’d just say “I’m being selfish”
Or “I don’t understand”
But I’m not dumb
I understand everything perfectly
I know who I am
And who I like
No one can change that
Hopefully people will accept me
For me
Maybe I won’t have to hide
I can finally be true
Unlike most people
It’s relaxing
Finally knowing
Who I am
The mystery is solved
I know me
Who I am was finally
Revealed

She's worrying and full of stress,
And perturbed by my voice,
She's failing to sleep over how I dress,
As if I have a choice,
She's 'scared' and 'confused' and 'losing hope',
"You're just confused or tying to cope."

or

She hates me for revealing my soul,
I'm wrong, too different inside,
Why can't I stick to my proper role?
"One or the other - decide,"
I'm messed up in the head, or acting or lying,
"It's too much for me, why are you crying?"

Which is worse?

He tries to understand me,
But in his outdated mind,
Just black and white, binary,
No in between to find,
He claims to be open but in reality,
Closed to all but what he's always believed.

or

He cannot accept who I am,
And disgust at all I said,
"Change or I won't give a ****,
If you're alive or dead."
He'd sooner cut me off than deal with the unknown,
Of his son who's both a boy and girl soon to be disowned.

Which is worse?

I walk the halls and glance at everyone I see,
The girls who are hurrying to the bathroom to fix their makeup,
And the boys who check them out as they walk by.

Is there anyone else here who can't go to the bathroom, because I swear to God just the thought of it gives me a small panic attack.
Is there anyone else here who looks down and is disappointed everyday because I am small, chesty and my face is far too round.

I never check out the girls, nor do I run to the bathroom to fix myself,
I walk and look at how much I wish I was one of the guys,
Flat chested, tall, lean and not having to wake up 5 extra minutes to put on a binder.
Never hating that their voice along with their round face will have others calling them "She" for their whole life.

Never will they come home with aching ribs,
and feel the stab of being misgendered.
Never will they be told "but you still look like a girl,"
Even though you are trying so hard that you feel your mind wearing thin.
Why can't I just be what they want me to be?