Thoughts
of you
twist
and
turn
like
the knife
in my
heart
disjointing
every
part
of
me

where do i start
There are so many thoughts racing
Trying to find a finish line
But before they ever can a new one begins

And somehow they keep leading
To thoughts about you
The things you did to me
How sick you made me feel

I was so obsessed with you for so long
You ****** me over more then i can even understand
I thought once i said no more
That meant i would never have to think of you again

Yet your disgrace lingers
The pain you caused
Is still on my face
You're shaking my life
Please go the **** away

You make my skin crawl
Until i cant even sleep at all
I want you to go away
Why wont you go away

I wanted you to mature
To be someone better
I saw the ugly within you
But i hate to hate

Now i see
You still wont let me be
I want to make you go away
Please just go away

Go away
Far away
Never stay
Just go away

I told you
I told everyone
Yet your disgrace
Only seems to hit me
in the face

I hear your name spread through the wind
By people who adore you
Why do people hold onto evil
And close their eyes to the good

Go away
Far away
Never stay
Just go away

One day when i write
It won't be about you or the distaste of your soul
One day I'll write a beautiful song
Of the women i let myself become

I want to write such beautiful poems
But inside i feel such a disgust
Everyrhing i write is absolute trash
Simply because i know not how to write of such vile natures

Go away
Far away
Never stay
Just go away

I said goodbye to you and meant it
Noone believed me they called me a liar
I'll do whatveer it takes
To never hear the curse of your name

When I'm free i can finally
Pray for your sorry soul
But while you stay and torment me
I only wish for your absolute hell

So please
Go away
Far away
Never stay
Just go away

I am losing myself
Everything is
crumbling
shattering
snd scattering.

Masks are coming off
Truth is coming to light.
Fake ones start to claim their identity
and people are leaving,
the ones I thought wouldn’t leave.

The light escapes me
and dull colors swift past me.

I have lost my care
I have lost my love
Lost my innocence
And lost my guilt.
Everything that made me, me
Is now gone.

So tell me,
is it me who you’re looking for?
Because that girl is breathing no more.

I've been used like the shoes your ***** feet walk on.
treated as a shower and left to scour your filthy mistakes away.
I've felt like the bed whose heart has bled because it's taken for granted.
Pierced like an earring, your ears are not hearing because you never listen.
I'm not your clay of which you play, don't mold me to your liking.
I am a flower who now holds some power, standing tall and standing strong.
For you are the knife whose blade is now dull from stabbing me all your life.

Was it not love because I didn’t give my life up for you?

Were my sacrifices not enough?

Was I supposed to stand back and let you take control?

Or was it that you simply couldn’t love me the way I loved you.

The truth is, I loved you in ways you could never understand.

I would go to the ends of the earth to be with you, but you wouldn’t for me.

And so tell me, was it not love?

{df – 11/11/16-}