I decided to give you back

I know now



I thrive with those who see
where I begin

there is a price to
authenticity that
most people
are not prepared
to pay

the cost
(at least in part)
is:
indifference,
isolation,
rejection, failure,
anxiety, madness,
etc.

it's vicious
strangers and
deadly lovers--
all of them
with spinning
flowers for
eyes as they
dig in: the
elbow, the
heel, the
knife

becoming who
you are demands
that you sacrifice
every inch of
what you
thought you
were to the
eternal flames

it means you're
gonna be hard
on yourself--harder
than anybody else
has ever been
on you

it means you're
gonna think
about killing
yourself
sometimes--you
may even come
close--

and,
make no
mistake, it
will be the
death of you
someday,
but
it will be
the best death
you could've
offered yourself

you will look
back upon
your life with
a cutting
smile and
piercing eyes
knowing that
you stayed
fighting

through every
cheap shot,
backstab, and
bad call

every
knockdown,
defeat, and
sabotage

you kept
coming, no
matter what
life threw at
you:
poverty,
shame,
guilt,
loss,
exile

these things
mean nothing
in the face
of true
becoming

and what
is becoming
if not
annihilation
and that
which remains
after its
totality?

She rattles her cage
deep inside
where I hid her
so you could not touch her

This outer part,
this shell, this facade
is all you have
but not the real me

She is mine
and I am hers
the door is shut but I forgot
to turn the lock

Only a matter of time
before she busts out
to tear your world apart
and burn it down

When I was young
I sat beneath
A Willow Tree,
Who with the wind
Carried this message
To me:

She said, "Little child,
Filled with light
And with love,
Many fears in your life,
You'll have to overcome."

With big hazel eyes,
I looked up and asked,
"Which rode do I take?
The short or the fast?"

She smiled at me then,
And with only a laugh
Said, "Your heart will know
Which path to take
For on it you see-
You will grow."

In the warm breeze
My blonde hair blew.
Confused and scared,
I started to flee
on a long road
For which I wasn't prepared.

Before I could leave
The old Willow Tree
Said, "Wait! Just one more advice:
Never let go of your dreams!
Even through pain, fear, and strife."

So here now I stand,
With all that I am;
Believing and dreaming in life.
Courageous and strong
I still carry on through
Pain, fears, and strife!
©KSS 7/2013

Dive in.
To the place of the unknown
To the spaces within
That, for far too long,
Have been left alone.

Breathe deep.
And give yourself permission
To move down, down, down.
Down, to the lost, forgotten
Child within, screaming for remission.

Set free.
The emotions of abandon and resentment;
Casting out and calling forth your ShadowSelf.
The atramentous Friend within,
For reconciliation.

Befriend.
This so called place of "Darkness"
It is within to make you whole.
Explore this space of deep emotion,
Waiting for it's story to be told.

Scream out!
Shed tears, do all that needs be done.
Feel the oppression, anger, heartache, despair.
Feel it until the place within-
The atramentous Friend, is no longer caged there.

Come forth
Now, with sweet release; ragged, yet-
Reborn, Renewed, Set free, Complete.
Move back into the Luminescent space;
The fear of ShadowSelf now obsolete.

Through Love
And honoring the Self as whole;
The atramentous Friend balances
The Luminescence within.
For through all things: As Above, So Below.
©KSS 7/2018

Ten thousand flowers
Laminated, cold pressed on my window door
Plastered- blue white and yellow

Sing me a song, I like the way your voice bellows.
Ten thousand flowers
Falling, as her dress hits the floor

None of them are real
Im just sitting here, passing the hours.
Ten thousand flowers

Emotions are hard
Hard to feel
Hard to share

It’s so much easier to offer a mirror
And let others
              See what they want to see
              Hear what they want to hear

Offering authenticity is complicated
                    Snarled
Full of light
              and dark
                       and confusion

Sometimes I don’t want to look
I don’t want to see
I don’t want to know

                   I don’t want to feel

But a shallow existence only works for so long
To grow, we must grow roots
To connect, we must reach out

Will you be worthy of my truth?
Will you face it with me?
Will you meet my vulnerability with your own?

I can only wish
And hope
And believe

That you will

I fell in love
in the in-between moments.

When you weren't trying
to convince me
When you weren't trying
to convince yourself

I fell in love
in those fleeting moments
when I got to see

But even the tiniest glimpse
of your bare naked soul