i woke up from my nap feeling like i couldn't breathe.
i paced around my room as i downed the two day old water.
looking at everything made my heart race,
i could feel my heart thump through my chest.
it made its way up to my throat and i couldn't breathe anymore.
my pacing got slower and eventually, i stopped in my steps.
my hands roamed beside me for something to grasp on,
to keep me from falling.
everything felt overwhelming and the air i was breathing felt like it was closing my throat more.
by this time, tears have already made their way onto staining my grey shirt.
i laid down once again,
tears rolling off the sides of my face.
i wanted somebody to hear me,
to come into my room and hug me.
fresh air couldn't help me anymore.
i needed someone to slow my heart down.
pat my back and run their fingers through my hair as a way of telling me that what i'm feeling is real but won't last for long.
but no one heard me.
i tried opening my mouth to speak but all that came out where silent sobs.
i held myself and closing my eyes, pretending my arms where someone elses.

the stars are falling at a faster pace
the clouds are getting closer to my face
i can see myself standing on the ground
and time seems to be the only sound
the skies are spinning
the moons are falling
i can feel my blood flowing
and my palms sweating
but the only thing hard to comprehend
is breathing

In unkempt sorrow, we often lie
with no hope ahead, we plan to die
as fear grows in strength, we suffer too
for we know not what we should do.

Hope may die in a sea of black,
but doubting its existence allows for attack,
cling to faith to fend this foe,
or else depression will be allowed to sough.

For as long as the sun may shine,
everything can change when given time.
Look to the future, and keep ambitions high
for there's no reason not to try.

if
          she let go oooooooo

the grand canyon
                                   would overflow


so she painstakingly
         bloodredbrickbybloodredbrick
                                            
        
built

        an impenetrable fortress
        to guard what once was
                        
                                           an open
                                           freely loving heart

parapets and towers abounded
        
        higher ground
        first sight
                              
                                          smoke billowed
                                          in warning

                                          gates barred
                                          archers flaming lethal weapons
                                          poised and ready

                                          catapults silently loaded
                                          and aimed


intuition hyper vigilant

                                         as she isolates herself

                                         prepared to ward off

any

                                        perceived enemies
                                        whose intent
                                        evidenced by ropes and picks

is to

                                       stealth fully cross the moat
                                       scale the tower

                                       and unloose the chaos she so vigilantly protects










[wonder


victorious
       or
   victim?]

eyes are dripping like gutters after the rain
hands are shaking like an addict's
breaths are short and fast like someone who ran a race
mind is stu-stu-stuck like a br-broken record