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Running towards your own death,
voluntarily.

It’s waking up with an immediate anxiety attack
over having to eat to survive.

Every bite denied is a victory over desire
and a demonstration of
self-control
in the most
out-of-control way.
Emery Feine Sep 30
I want the people who left me to see my face in the streets
I am the face of all people in the filled up seats
They'll hear my voice in all the songs they play
I am the wind that'll show them the way
They'll hate that they'll see me in their afternoon tea
They'll drown when they see me in the swimming sea
I'll come back to haunt them, day and night
I'm the ghost in the fog that gives them a fright
They'll feel stuck, trapped, haunted by me
They'll hear me with every song from bird or bumble bee
They'll finally feel just a little remorse
And try to find me in every book and resource
And on days when the sun has gone away
I'll be the thunder in their mind that will forever stay
For every tear they made me cry, I'll make them cry three
So cry me a river, lake, or sea
I'm just a spirit following them from behind
I'm just a phantom, invading their mind
And with some time, they'll think I'm gone
And they'll peacefully look over their house and lawn
And they'll admire June's scorching sun
And they'll think they've finally won
They'll think no part of them is shattered and rotten
And when they can finally stop living their lives in fear
I want them to hear my voice echo in their ear
this is my 80th poem, written on 2/4/24
Emery Feine Sep 29
In, 2, 3, 4
Out, 2, 3, 4
What's this feeling
I just can't ignore?

In, 2, 3, 4
Out, 2, 3, 4
Need to close my eyes
Need to lock the door

5 things I see
4 things I touch
Everything around me
Is just too much

3 things I hear
2 things I smell
I can't seem to breathe
Hear the ringing of a bell

And finally, 1 thing I taste
But I'm anxious still
Let me experience life freely
Or just go in for the ****.
this is my 54th poem, written on 11/25/23
Jeremy Betts Sep 29
You want to fight?
Alright
Let me get your gloves
And tie my hands behind my back
Because there's no point in a counter attack
You don't care
That's fact
Every word i say to you is just thin air
Arguing that all your low blows are fair
And your violence twords me?
It's all acceptable crazy
And my "FUUCK YOU!" retort is blasphemy
i have to accept your every issue
Acknowledge what you have and are currently going through
And for the most part i do
But when it comes to anything to do with me
All of a sudden you can't see
What happened to "we"?
Conveniently disappearing quickly
Replaced with a lowly "me"
This isn't a reality that i want to live anymore
So this time when i paddle out i'll sink the ore
There'll be no more attempts to return to shore

©2024
Emery Feine Sep 28
I shouldn't have to hide that you hit me
I shouldn't have to hide my tears
I shouldn't have to fake a smile at you saying my legs were big
Because you couldn't have known that it was one of my fears

I shouldn't have to listen to you yell at the TV screen
I shouldn't have to ramble to feel seen
I shouldn't have to make up a reason for you to go
And that's just something I think you should know
this is my 46th poem, written on 11/12/23. yes all of this did happen !! I had a red mark on my face for like a week or so oml
I'd pass by you every day
I'd see you everywhere, too
That's just what happens
It's a small town where we live.

I'd see you at the café
Where we used to have dates.
I'd see you at the library
Where our favorite books are kept
for it's a small town where we live.

I'd see you in front of
The school where you used to teach
with a smile on your face
as you watched the children play
'til you glance at my face
It's a small town where we live.

News spreads rapidly
when you live in such a place.
I dropped everything when I heard your name
In the mouth of your student's mothers
"She had a heart attack..." they muttered.
"In front of the children, too."

I knew the way to the hospital,
For it's a small town where we live.
The fifth of my series, "The Heartaches". Even more emotional than the others- but this is just the beginning of it all...
Antonia Sep 9
I’m feeling heavier than iron
my chest, my arms, my legs
feel numb
it feels impossible to breathe
like i am deep under the water

and i could hear my body sinking
the lungs,
now slowly filling up with liquid

no hope.

just death in sight

my tongue is stuck,
my hands are tight,
i feel the weight
of my mistakes

i  just so desperately want
to get some air and breathe again

but not this time,
my demon says

as I am drowning
once again
this is how a panic attack feels for me, haven’t had one in a while, but it used to be the norm when I was younger. If you’re going through tough times, just know they never last. I am doing much better now, and hopefully you can take this as a message of hope. Things do get better, just hang in there, stop running from your feelings, the only way out, is through.
You take heart right from my bleeding chest
Suffering cardiac arrest
All fears it seems are second-guessed
Scared this attempt will work out like the rest
Hurt a few too many occasions before
Tip-toeing on ever shaking floor
It's obvious you don't want me anymore
Need reason to keep on breathing for
Crashing lightning
Rolling thunder
Caught in current and it's pulling me under
I cannot help but stop and wonder
Why my dreams are torn asunder
No space left inside head
Taken up by lies you said
Wish I felt happy instead
Infected me with a sense of dread
It's not your fault
Torn in two
I have myself to blame for believing you
Your eyes oceans I fell into
I'm drowning in those pools of blue
Looking at yesterday
Tried so hard to walk away
Can't break chains around my feet
Without your touch incomplete
I feel like a cupcake without frosting when you are not around me
Hello Daisies Jun 28
Nobody ever comes
Nobody ever comes
Nobody
   Nobody

Ever
Nobody

I'm still
Or no
I'm shaking
But I'm always
That girl
That little girl
Crying
Alone
Always
Always
Alone
They never came
They could hear me
Nobody cared

I guess I thought
Or maybe felt
I healed
I was wrong
It was a lie
To disguise
The pain
The lonliness
The lack
The lack
Of joy
In my heart


I was torn
Torn apart
I hid the memories
Within my heart
I closed the doors
And forgot
Forgot the horrors
Forgot it all
Wasted on life
Wasted
Wasted
On forgetting

It comes rushing back
These days
The memories
The feelings
I am but a little girl
Little
And fragile
Little
And
Alone
   Alone
      Alone

A kraken walked
No
Burst
Through my life
Sending me in a spiral
Spiral
           Spiral
Larips
              Larips
    S p I r a l

Of memories
Pain
Loss
Lonliness
I can't come back from this
This
Shaking
Shaking
The earth might be quaking
I have so much to feel
I cannot heal
Everything is too real
Real
Real
No
Nothing is real
Nothing
Nothing
Everyone is bluffing
I cannot
I can
Not
Pretend.
I
Am
After all
Nobody's friend

I am alone
And crying
Alone
And
Crying
It's all come back to me
All come back
I'm alone
And nobody
Nobody
Ever comes

When you hear me
Hear me cry
Will you let me die
Or will you
Perhaps
Prove me wrong?

Please
Prove me wrong
Just going through it lately
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