It's safe to say I wasted more than time on him, wasted words on him, wasted breath and emotion and poetry on him but I realized recently that I stopped letting my world revolve around him, stopped thinking my feelings would live forever with him, I noticed I looked beautiful without him and that my eyes are astoundingly blue without his confirmation, that a shirt and my fat don't need an approval from him, I have felt confident about me because it's no longer about him. This is no epiphany, came with no warning but time and I can't help but feel accomplished. I am still me without him, want what I want regardless of him, tore down the walls of the home I'd imagined with him - on my own - and now I stand on foundation with which I will ***** sturdy structures to hold my slanted ceilings and paintings that make my heart race, fill the emptiness with books that remind me why I love, I have room for myself and this concept is new because I can spread and be free and see myself sewing on the couch and writing in my study and I am comfortable here but I can still do more with this space I've created, I can share it with others because that's what I want but I had forgotten to include myself, forgotten to consider my happiness. Among my paintings I want family photos and among my shelves I want books I've published and among my achievements I want a degree and a marriage certificate and I can have it all - without him. I can be selfless without ignoring my self and this is how I know I can love and be loved, because it's never been about what he meant to me or how I tried to prove it because I forgot to focus on how I felt about myself. And now I've remembered, and I feel whole.
