limp in your arms
like im dead already
you squeeze me tight
sobs racking your body
tears staining my clothes
i feel nothing
i thought i was the sad one?

you go
you work
you play your role
you smile and laugh
take care of everyone
eagerly awaiting the moment they leave
you release the tension
allow your smile to drop
feel the weight of gravity
drawing you downward
just be
just breathe
ahhh yes...
the discontent
i was expecting you...
something is terribly wrong
it’s probably you, you know...
start thinking, what did you do?
i just want it to go away
i crave the ability to forget
the option to feel content
just for a while...

When the darkness comes
and I unravel, undone,
I know only you will get me.
When I’m fully consumed
and swearing I’m doomed
I’m sure you’ll wish you never met me.

How can you give a ****
if you don’t know who I am
and all the stories that are my building blocks.
Take the time to cram,
assign roles of lion and lamb,
but apparently it’s a wolf now in these talks.

And the pictures were colour
yet all the same they seem black and white,
maybe they faded as they sure seem duller,
or maybe there’s just not enough light.

Everyone pulls away, I sadly know the drill,
it’s impossible to stay, or even just stay still.
Throwing punches and slanging slurs,
tell me is it impossible to draw a line?
I gave her a heart but she never gave hers,
I’m surprised she even wanted mine.

I’m stupid enough to keep my word
and foolish enough to keep a promise.
Dissecting and analyzing the absurd,
intelligence is the mortal enemy to total bliss.

I dive left before heading right, more times than I care to admit,
Each time I turn right and am not confronted, it feels like rejection,
A small death of little consequence for the life that could have been
So sweet, so superficial, a mini life grew- as I read your bio,
To be dashed in another instant of silence,
I have a tendency to rush into things without much guidance.

Your voice is sweet and smooth- to read,
Imagine a personality that fits- perfectly in the palm of my hand,
Conveyed in small white messages, poked through smaller holes,
Each one I read makes me feel a little brighter inside,
But each little light catches fire and dies, I must confide
That each one I read makes me feel alive.

But only for the moment, so I conduct another,
Small parcel containing another little piece of my soul,
“If you can feel your soul slowly, slipping away, that means that you still have one”
That is a phrase that will lead you to defeat before you have begun,
It leads to me giving away much less than I can afford,
These ‘one for one’ serotonin boosts are leaving me bored…

So maybe we could meet, go get something to eat,
I am sure that I won’t be bored by your topic of conversation,
Or at least I will try and make it look that way,
Because the cold reality is that we have nothing in common,
Except for a lack of self-esteem and an overestimation of our-
Social skills, next to non-existent,
I am perpetually distant!

I am sure that you were terrifically disappointed with last night
Because your messages are written on withered pieces of paper,
A full stop is the most definite thing that there is,
Subtle undertones have a pulse and it beats,
Black blood to and from a dying heart,
I should have known that you were poison, right from the start.

I want to write it all out
Release the floodgates
But instead
I let my emotions be dull
Blunted
There’s too much withheld
Take it slow, dear
But I want to feel it all
Something
Or go all numb
I don’t know...
I just... I can feel their echo
Thoughts, emotions
I know what I’m trying to feel
What I ought to feel
But I can’t...
Can’t quite reach it...
Like it’s shrouded
Under a thick fog
I just want to feel like I’m supposed to...
Caring can be challenging...
I’d kind of like to give up
Give in
Surrender to apathy
Can’t seem to decide...

I’m waiting in line, wasting my time
for things that won’t come, though they are mine.
Pretend that I’m fine, should I draw a line?
Don’t wish to run, but I think I’m just done.

Feelings I can’t shake, they keep me awake,
the list has increased, how much more can I take?
With so much at stake, I try not to break,
I miss the sun, but I think I’m just done.

With tired eyes
I’ll still see it through.
Exasperated sighs
in breaths I drew.
I broke the ties,
but I’ve got some glue.
Searching the skies
and looking for you.

I’m waiting so long, maybe I’m wrong
I can’t walk away; my legs aren’t that strong.
Alone in a throng, I still try to prolong,
but it never begun, and I think I’m just done.

The flowing tears
should extinguish the flame,
but it’s been years
and it still burns the same.
Doe eyes sees the fears
and treats it like a game,
then it all disappears
am I to blame?

I’ll wait forever, I’m not too clever,
passing me by, but never say never.
I can not severe this painful endeavour,
I’m always the one but I think I’m just done.

When I was a child, I watched TV
I believed self control was
not a part of my personality

Patience, a virtue I lacked
I'll download another app
to while away the time

Time spins away from me
Distractions are easier to reach for
The phone, the credit card, a touch away

The door is for necessary errands,
the door is for the deliveryman to arrive to,
the door is to be shut.

Life goes at a snail's pace
with no map, going to a place I dont really want to.
I put my seatbelts on and shrug.

Today,
I am a
cadaver-in-waiting.
Cold, stiff and
ashen, I am
ready for
autopsy and entropy.