The only thing you understand is...

is that I have talent
that i'm good at drawing
But you say

you say to use it in a different way
Well what is different to you
because I sure don't know

You don't understand why I draw
but here is the thing
I don't see my drawings as dark
as negative
as  gruesome

I see it as apart of me
something that I cannot do

You said:
  rip out the negative

I heard:
tear yourself apart

It may seem silly
"it's just a journal"
But my "it's just a" journal
is so much more

I love it

I no longer measure time in minutes, hours, days
I now measure by with you or not with you

How do I go
When my absence melts you
How do I turn away
When I am immersed in you

What else can I see
If you are all my vision
What can draw my mind
If you are each thought

Are you truly alone
While you are surrounded by fears
Are you left without voice
While you scream in silence

Is there a limit to my rekindlings
As I extinguish with each last look
Is it possible to breathe
As lungs fill with endless calls to you

At what point could there be too much us
Though there is never enough
At what point is pain exhausted
Though the void of apart is limitless

Where is the end of empty
Can it be found when we are cleft
Where do we cease to touch
Can we be disjoined at any point

Why do we bleed with stilled hearts
Must away be bottomless
Will actuality ever come right
Do we survive, or die trying

Hearts Beats fast, blood runs cold, face flushes out. Voice goes numb no words left tp escape. Hands start shaking. This was before my eyes drained out. Falling on the floor with no where to escape from myself. The thoughts break free and I'm left to deal with them all at once. All these feelings released at once wanting to be seen one by one but it  is all too much and they are fighting for attention. It is all too much.

You turn around,
You call my name
But I no longer believe the same;
There's paper stacked upon your window pane.

The clocks are worn,
My boots are torn,
They've come some way since they were born
And things that shine often do not conform.

A whisper here
Is a thunder there,
A glass of wine to lay it bare;
Don't tell me silence dwells behind that stare.

You don't run fast
Because you must;
It's fine to break out from your crust
And build a smile that's free from all your lust.

We're far apart
But all the same;
Forget the shapes and forms and blame
And you will see we walk down the same lane.

I walk through eyes
So close and distant
Depending on how long the instant;
Some grow warm while others grow resistant.

hand on feather
I swear to you
I intended no harm
I just played by the weather
and found you in shared experience

a charm was built
and I was refracted
(prism motes)
like an animal channelling
I played aspects as bones
when all you wanted was human touch
and not this ;
this baffling mating behaviour