when i was a little girl, i'd always dream of a happily ever after. i'd imagine myself as cinderella, with a perfect gown and shoes and hair, in a castle with a prince who loved me so dear.

it was cute, hoping that my fantasies would someday come true. but once upon a time, i grew up. i realized that there were no happily ever afters, and that life was just a constant battle with everyone around you. i thought about my gown, and how there'll always be a pull in the fabric somewhere; my shoes, how they'll eventually make my feet ache to an unbearable point; my hair, how its curls will fall when i dance; my castle, how its size will make me feel so lonely; and my prince, how he will inevitably leave me or hurt me or play me, or all of the above.

but you helped me see the light, my prince. you made me forget all the negativities of royalty. when i am with you, i am happy. and happiness is all i want, all i need. does that mean that all i need is you?

you made me forget that you were of royal blood, and i was not; that you never had to lift a finger, and i had to work night and day to simply survive; that you were loved and needed and sought after, and i was neglected and insignificant and never anyone's number one.

but what i thought to be amnesia for the better, wasn't, and like everything else, gave me a false sense of hope that life was beautiful. i pity noble and peasant girls when they think royalty is complete and utter bliss, for they are greatly misinformed. it is all a show, which, no matter how sadistic, deserves a standing ovation.

and sometimes i wish i were little me again, free of sadness and pain; clueless of the horrors of this world. but reality checks in and reminds me that there's no such thing as a rewind or a replay, and time will not stop or slow down or repeat itself. not for me at least.

I saw how the water was pure
I saw how the water was clean
I never felt like an empty shell
I felt I was a simple bubble
How I rise just to disappear
When reaching the surface

Sat in the window seat
of the olde English cottage.
The open bow window
providing natures salted
air conditioning from the sea.
Breaking waves below the cliffs.
the only noise in the starlit night.
I turned to see your face
the one that takes
my breath away and
Fills my heart
with hopes and dreams.
Your lips open slightly
the words
I love you
are on the tip of your tongue.
They have no need to be spoken.
Because I can feel your heart
beating with mine and I know it.
You found me and rosebud cottage.
I know one day your memory
may return
that you may have
a wife and children.
And the loss of you
will be too much
for me to bear.
So we sat there
with the sea below us
and the stars above us.
I whispered
I love you darling.
But for now for this moment
I was happy once again.

I dined upon a firefly tonight;
So that my belly’d master,
“Warm.”
But the cold can in my hand
Led to – Pebbles in my feet;
And pebbles in my feet
Led to –
Solitary;
Loneliness and
Left behind, starved, and
In a way I’d never fathomed.

blinding lights,
constant beeping,
spiked green lines,
a ***** in my arm.
faces fill the room
tears and hope
mixed on each.
a man in a white coat
calls for their attention,
his mouth moves
but it's all jibberish;
something about an accident.
then there is a shift,
the mood has changed.
all eyes are on me
expectant looks
then fallen faces
when I speak.

*Who are you?

Sometimes
what we need
is three sips of
Amnesia's sweet bliss;

just a little bit...

One --
to accept
what was and
what wont ever be

Two --
to erase
her face
and the memories

Three --
finally,
to forget, forgive and
not ever regret~

Ha!
But you see,
we'd just
throw it all up;

so we can love,
though we know
we'd only get hurt
again..

Maybe we're all just
a little bit
messed up that way,
dont you think?~